Hello everyone!
My name is Tom and i am a 32 year old male from England. For most of my life I have always felt different to the majority of the population and was wondering whether I should consider pursuing a ASD assessment.
For some context I have listed below some of my observations, concerns and habits from childhood to the present day.
I apologise in advanced if its a bit all over the place, but it Kind of all came flooding out at once. This is the first time I have publicly voiced my experiences and would be grateful to hear from anybody who can relate to any of it.
I might be completely barking up the wrong tree in regards to ASD, but I feel It fits. Totally open to all opinions and questions.
Again apologies if this doesn't read well, but this is what I came up with:
ASD concerns :
Early adolescence - Secondary school
Plain diet, found trying new foods (especially with strong smells or soggy textures) disressing. Diet from pre school to early secondary consisted primarily of water/orange squash (I could tell the difference if it was a brand I didn't usually drink), plain toast, chicken nuggets and cereal. This changed completely from around age 11 onwards, as I now happily eat and try anything at all.
Extreme discomfort when hearing loud noises and disruptions such as fire works, continous school lunch hall chatter, fire alarms etc.
Fear of being the centre of attention e.g. being in school plays, opening a birthday present in front of a group of friends and family, speaking in front of lots of people.
Quiet/shy, not disruptive, but did not engage well with lessons as I was often deep in thought about something I was particularly interested in at the time which i considered more important, resulting in being reprimanded often for not listening or day dreaming.
Although I had a strong grasp of English and was complimented regularly in my use of complex, but appropriate language in essays and creative writing, my hand writing was hardly legible and often compared to that of a primary school age child.
I had a small group of acquaintances, but one good friend throughout secondary school who seemed to understand me more than anyone else and just seemed to click.
It never occurred to me at the time, but thinking back about his behaviour, mamnerisms and quirks it makes so much sense he has since been diagnosed with ASD.
I was placed in top sets for all subjects, but did not apply myself or engage, leaving school with minimal qualifications.
My attendance throughout secondary school was extremely low (around 60% during one year springs to mind). I found school overstimulating and generally stressful.
Adult life
Social difficulties
I struggle to recognise people's faces I have met a few times, especially if they are outside the setting I would expect to bump into them. For example, I would recognise my GP that I have had all my life when in the Doctors surgery, but would find it difficult to be able to identify him if I saw him in a supermarket.
I have even met and worked with someone on multiple occasions, but still introduced myself the next time as if it was our first meeting as I couldn't recognise them straight away.
When talking to people, especially people I don't regularly interact with, I struggle to maintain eye contact or over compensate because I know its rude to not look at someone when talking to them, resulting in giving too much eye contact or staring.
I regularly over analyse my social interactions, wondering whether I was rude, said the wrong thing or made a fool of myself. Although I think I am getting better at this, I use direct, to the point language and may come across abrupt when it's not my intention.
I actively avoid large social gatherings, often being called boring or antisocial, but knowing how anxious they can make me, I have started getting better at saying no, where I used to people please, often at the cost of my own discomfort.
When I attend large family gatherings I feel I am expected to attend, I come away feeling drained and wanting to spend some time alone doing things want to do.
Other behaviours
Obsessions
With hobbies, activities I take part in or interests I pursue, they always become an obsession for varying periods of time. For example,
Cycling
Having not ridden a bicycle for over 10 years, completely out of the blue i decided I was going to take time off work and cycle 1085 miles across the whole length of the UK which I completed this year. Prior to leaving I spent every spare minute relentlessly researching bicycles, equipment, the route and watching various documentarys so I knew what to expect, as well as creating countless notes and checklists. Since returning my interest in cycling is non-existent.
Video games , films and TV series.
Instead of trying new things I constantly re-watch things like star wars, the simpsons and the lord of the rings on repeat, even though I have seen them hundreds of times, they still bring me enjoyment.
Similarly with video games I enjoy things i have played over and over (mainly fantasy games involving lots of repition).
Routine
I have noticed that I almost religiously do things at the same time and the same way in the same order everyday, from what order I put clothes on, to when I eat meals. I can become agitated if there is an unexpected disruption to my schedule.
Lists
I constantly write lists to ensure everything goes to plan and nothing is missed. These include:
shopping lists ( I wrote out the Christmas day food shopping list in August)...
Packing lists for trips away, even though I will pack weeks in advance and end up repacking at least every other day until leaving.
I have also made a list of everything I need to get together for a house I probably won't buy for another 5 years. It includes everything from the Cutlery draw lay out, to the contents of the kitchen sink cupboard.
I have also created a spreadsheet displaying all the retro computer games I have collected which I can view alphabetically, by price, release date and condition.
Many thanks for your time
Tom x