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Hello everyone!

Chissy

Hey, I’m a 42 year old family man with two young boys. I’ve recently been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism and to be frank, I am struggling. 

I have always found comfort in talking to other autistic people and sharing experiences so I am hoping to find that here with you guys. Reading existing posts has been enlightening and I hope to learn more. 

I flew under the radar at school as I think the rules and having instructions kept me on a level. I was always anxious and shy and had numerous ‘feinting’ episodes in stressful situations but did well at school so wasn’t trouble for anyone. It wasn’t until I was 16 the anxiety was starting to get totally out of control. GPs diagnosed me with depression and GAD and stuck me on antidepressants.

I continued to struggle through the rest of my life, labouring under the idea that if I just did the next neurotypical thing I’ll be normal and the anxiety will subside. Get a proper job, play in a band, be in a stable relationship, move into my own place, get promoted, learn to drive, start a family… each time thinking the next thing would finally crack it. When that failed I would see CB therapists, hypnotherapists, counsellors etc. the cycle just kept going of anxiety and overwhelm then slowly building myself back up again and falling over again. 

it was only after seeing my eldest sons struggles at school that I realised, maybe this isn’t a behavioural thing and the more research I did the more aligned with autism and ADHD it became.

The diagnosis puts so much of this in perspective now and I’m able to reframe a lot of it. It helps in stopping the cycle of self hatred from blaming myself for all the times I’ve upset and disappointed people, or bullied myself into doing activities that I ‘should’ do instead of want to or are able to. Which is positive. 

However I do feel after a life of warring with it, I’m left feeling really depleted. I struggle to see friends, join in on family activities away from the house, work meetings and anything that isn’t my routine ‘normal’. I want to start looking to the future more positively and hear about people’s experiences after diagnosis. Any tips and tricks to build solid belief and trust in yourself would be greatly appreciated. 

I’m just exhausted having done the best I can for so long and I want to use my diagnosis for positive change. Just not sure what that looks like at the moment.  

Thank you x

Parents

  • Hi Chrissy and welcome to the 'latelings' club.

    I was diagnosed last year in my fifties and what you describe is almost a carbon copy pf my life and struggles. There is no magic bullet to make you feel better.

    The best advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You are not broken but different. Give yourself time to process the information, almost like the stages of grief.

    I know it can be really difficult to process whilst trying to hold down a job. I am still on my journey discovering new things about myself all the time. Recognise your triggers what you are comfortable with and what you may need support with.

Reply

  • Hi Chrissy and welcome to the 'latelings' club.

    I was diagnosed last year in my fifties and what you describe is almost a carbon copy pf my life and struggles. There is no magic bullet to make you feel better.

    The best advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You are not broken but different. Give yourself time to process the information, almost like the stages of grief.

    I know it can be really difficult to process whilst trying to hold down a job. I am still on my journey discovering new things about myself all the time. Recognise your triggers what you are comfortable with and what you may need support with.

Children
  • in reply to Mr T

    I ended up starting my own business 15 years ago because I simply couldn’t cope with people and politics at all my jobs. I was overly sensitive or trying to work out what people really wanted or expected. I needed to be able to control my day and have flexibility. Which all makes sense nowadays but people pleasing has meant I’ve worked 15 hours a day for over ten years and this needs to change. 

    Triggers are an issue. I absolutely don’t recognise any signs of burnout or overwhelm until it’s too late. When I’m in a state of hyper activity, which in hindsight is the ‘calm before the collapse’, it absolutely feels right and I feel true so stopping it doesn’t feel natural. Guess that needs me to try and slow it regardless. 

    Thank you x