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CatLady

Hi all. 

Ive recently been questioning whether i am ASD, ADHD or both.  Two of my stepchildren have been diagnosed ASD and in order to better understand them i have been doing a lot of research only to have lightbulbs going off about myself.

Im 5 years in recovery from alcoholism and have suffered from eating disorders , self harm , prescribed medications, reckless impulsive behaviours you name it I have experienced it. I didnt have a very happy happy child house, two parents with very poor mental health who were frequently hospitazlised.  My Dad had an awful lot of traits that could be described as ASD traits.

I dont remember ever feeling as though i belonged, i always felt different.  i liked things because other people liked them, not because i actually liked the.  My siblings would comment that i barely cried as a child, seemed indifferent to everything .  I fould it very hard to make friends and tbh always felt like they didnt want me around.  I do know that i struggled as a child to know what to say to peers or how to behave approprately.  I spent a lot of time on my own as a child and had imaginary friends and spent a lot of time reading - i dont remember ever not being able to read tbh.

I dont like anyone to hug me bar my kids, and i do feel "touched out" frequently.  I dont like being on my own as an adult - but i like to sort of be on my own with other people around me.  My partner sometimes comments on my very literal thinking, but then sometimes i will behave in the complete opposite way to what i would expect him to behave like - and tbh at the time i dont see anything wrong with it .

I feel emotions intensely - or not at all.  Situations that should affect me literally i dont feel a think.  People I either love to pieces and form strong attachments to that i live in constant fear of being abandoned to i literally would step over someone if they were lying dying on the street.

Situations that should have scared me - i havent felt fear.  But yet sometimes anxiety over nothing is crippling.  I have had emotional outbursts that i literally cant remember but that my parent says are actually scary.

I cant stand mess - other peoples mess.  I have to make sure all my clothes match and my decor in my house.  Theres just so so much stuff and im like omg is this what is wrong with me and has been all my life ?? 

It just makes so much sense. 

  • Hi and welcome.

    CatLady said:
    .  I spent a lot of time on my own as a child and had imaginary friends and spent a lot of time reading - i dont remember ever not being able to read tbh.

    I said almost exactly the same thing about not remembering a time when I couldn't read, in a thread someone started about memory. I also had an imaginary friend (who was a woman, not another child) and enjoyed doing things on my own like reading, drawing, colouring and building with Lego

    Emotions also all over the place. When I was a teenager my guinea pig died and my family expected me to cry, but I didn't feel the need to. I was very fond of animals, but I wasn't upset as I knew that animals died when they got old, and to be honest I.was quite busy with other issues like coping with school and my other interest of music, which had become my my obsession. But being told I couldn't do something I had planned would have me in floods of uncontrollable tears. If someone really upsets me, it's very hard not to just cut them out of my life - I can't stand awkward situations and family/friendship dramas.

    I also cannot stand mess, and my childhood bedroom was almost always tidy. I like clean, modern lines and light plain colours in home decor, with no fussy ornaments. I also take care in matching my clothes, too.

    And yeah, when I realised I also said :

    CatLady said:
    is this what is wrong with me and has been all my life ?? 

  • Hi CatLady, and welcome to the NAS online community!

    If you're considering trying to get an assessment for ASD, our website has a lot of useful information about diagnosis, including a pre-diagnosis guide for adults who think they might be autistic.  

    You can also browse our website for lots of other advice and guidance on a wide range of information about autism, including what autism is, socialising and relationships, employment, benefits and social care. 


     To find diagnostic services in your local area, you can try searching on our Autism Services Directory, which can be found here.  The Directory also includes listings for support and social groups for autistic people, their families and friends. 

    Hope this is of some help,
    Ross - mod