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Scared, and don't know how to start, but here goes.

Banatine

I don't really know how to introduce myself without saying anything personal, but I'll try.

I (35M) have just been diagnosed in the last couple of months. I had long suspected, but it never seemed too important to find out, until recently.

I've spent the majority of my adult life in self imposed isolation. Outside of work, and a couple of local games clubs, I rarely interact with anybody. I always suffered from low self esteem, but I just didn't feel like I could really connect with other people. I just immerse myself in fantasy and sci-fi, playing games, and building and painting models (at the moment, Warhammer40k, Gunpla, and Infinity).

On the last couple of years especially I have really been trying to find friends, and even possibly find love. But my few limited experiences have been bad, and left me feeling even more alone than ever.

I just want closeness, companionship, and intimacy like anybody else does. But at this point, I feel like it might just not be possible. People keep saying you just need to keep trying, but it's SO hard to hold onto hope when there has been so little reward for the effort.

I know this is probably pretty depressing reading, but Ive never been able to lie, so I'm not going to pretend things are currently all sunshine and roses.

I don't really know if this was any good, or if I've just scared everybody away... But yeah! I guess this is me Sweat smile

  • Hi mate

    I'm kind of in the same boat as you with what you have said , Especially the 40k bit . If I am to give any advice it is to not give up or stop trying ever on everything from making friends or finding a relationship . Yes it will be very hard and from my on past experiences but it is possible. Sorry if this post sounds dramatic , And you will find like minded people on this forum 100%. 

  • Welcome to the forum. 

    I have been married a long time, so it's difficult for me to advise re dating, but I hope you meet someone you can connect with - it is possible, so don't give up.

    Lots of us on here like sci-fi and playing games, so you should find plenty to talk about with us which will hopefully help you feel less isolated. I like playing Sims 4, and my other favourites are Fallout 4, Assassins Creed Odyssey, Origins & Valhalla, and Hogwarts Legacy. 

  • Your experience sounds very similar to mine. In fact I could have written it a few years ago.

    Unfortunately I cannot offer much in the way of help. Nothing has changed/improved for me in terms of friends/relationships. I have a lifetime of putting in the effort without anything to show for it and then giving up. I still just feel like an alien, trying to learn a language that's impossible to learn.

    I don't see anything changing for me, but I have other things in my life to focus on and improve, which I actually have more control over. The basic activities of keeping myself alive, feeding myself, and having a job etc are very draining and something I failed at a lot before but have finally started to get the hang of a bit.

  • Many people here have or had struggles similar to yours. I’m lucky to have husband and daughter, which I thought will never happen. I relate a lot to your experience when I was younger. Also in my world with my hobby (at that time learning Russian and later also doing graphic designing) I had and still have endless experience of failing socially and hearing “you just need to try” but I knew already before my realisation that it’s not gonna work because it never did doesn’t matter how hard I tried. You need probably different approach. I hope you find here like minded people and support. And friends.