Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I’m Amanda, soon to be 36 years old. I’ve recently come out as Lesbian and have been together with my partner for just 2 months, I have also only just been diagnosed with ASD 1 in July this year.
My girlfriend has just got a new job which has completely sent me off kilter as she is working until 10pm, unpredictable shifts and it’s really upset my routine, I’m finding myself unable to mange my emotions about this as I feel like I’m not seeing her as much and it’s causing me great anxiety, I also have an anxious attachment (mainly to do with my upbringing) and I try and manage this in the best way possible but I’m finding myself over reacting as I don’t know how to deal with this change in routine - it is causing disagreements and I don’t want to cause her stress as this is a job that she really wanted to do.
There has been so many changes in my life in the last 3 months I just don’t know how to deal with everything and I don’t want to mess this up. I think falling in love causes all sorts of crazy emotions even for people who are neurotypical but I think with ASD and anxiety the emotions are so heightened ! Does anyone have any advice ? I feel like she is my soul mate and I want to be with her all the time but I know I can’t! I’m finding myself getting all ate up if she doesn’t respond to my texts but then feel guilty as I know she’s busy !
thanks in advance
With your anxious attachment style, you're dependant on her (an outside external source) to regulate your internal emotions, and without her there, you're finding it hard to regulate your own emotions.
Two months to form a routine with someone seems pretty quick, so hopefully it'll take about the same amount of time to form a different routine. Changes can be very scary, and it's easier to have a fixed routine that always works, but it's hard to find something that works for everyone, but hopefully you can find something that works for both of you.
I used to be very attached to people due to anxiety, but facing fears and becoming more self sufficient and independent, helped not only me, but them as well, as now instead of depending on them, they can depend on me as well. There's more balance in the relationship, instead of the relationship being one-sided.
Perhaps when your partner works late, you can take that time to focus on yourself, improve your skills, take up a hobby. Maybe even plan a nice dinner for the both of you. Just something to do to be productive with your time.
Anyways, hope you all the best.