Published on 12, July, 2020
This is a genuine curiosity I have. I've noticed from some posts and replies I've read that it sounds like some people here are friends with each other - I'm not sure what that means exactly, but let's say at least that those people seem to communicate with each other on a regular basis, maybe it means more. My question is how did these develop? When I consider the stages of making friends, in my life it seems to go:
So I always seem perpetually stuck at steps 1 and 3. I'm interested in other people's experiences.
pdaddio83 said:Meeting someone new, have basic conversations with them ??? (Something happens here which I don't understand)
The connection between steps 1 and 2 is finding common ground, whether in your enjoyment of a subject, sharing opinions on something, having similar experiences or ambitions etc .
With this shared connection you can build a relationship and a rapport around this and expand it to cover other areas where you may differ but become curious about the other persons views.
Once a certain point is reached you move into friend territory - it varies from person to person and it is a malleable thing where you may find the other person has an opinion which turns you against them.
I believe most autists struggle with step 2 because we are poor at the social interactions that build on that shared appreciation element.
It can be resolved by learning about some of the rules around social interactions and small talk but my experience here is that most autists are unwilling to learn these basic skills because it involves interacting with people and puting in effort in a subject they are uncomfortable with.
Putting myself through experiences, however uncomfortable, is something I'm good at. When I've made a decision I'm resolute in seeing it through.
I also have to remember to set my expectations accordingly, which I often forget to do.