Post diagnosis identity crisis and frustrations

Hey everyone 

I received my ASD diagnosis nearly a year ago and have been struggling ever since to work out who I am and what this means.

I'm pretty late diagnosed (in my 30's) and didn't expect it. I've spent my life struggling with my mental health, first being referred to CAHMS at 8 years old. Where I was diagnosed over the years with OCD, ODD, GAD and selective mutism (which should've been a clue)

As an adult I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder as well as all the anxiety/panic disorders. There's rarely been a time when I haven't been in therapy as an outpatient and at times an inpatient. 

I started outpatient DBT last year. The therapist I have my 1 to 1's with asked, only a few sessions in, if I had ever been screened for ASD. It wasn't something I'd ever considered and assumed if I had it would've been picked up by now. I decided to do the assessment out of curiosity and a few weeks of lots of forms (for me and my parents), giving permission for my past medical notes to be looked through and a meeting with the clinical psychiatrist I received my ASD diagnosis. They've also rescinded my previous diagnoses and now it's ASD and cPTSD. 

All my life I've thought that with the right combination of medication and therapy I'll get 'better' (that my symptoms will be manageable and I could be fully independent). Now I've been taken off most of the medication as I've been told it's not helpful, which makes sense as the right combination has never been found. Also I don't know what 'better' means anymore or what independence looks like. I do have to say the therapist I'm seeing is helping more than any others I have seen in the past, and is working to help me come to terms with it. The more I learn about ASD the more I can see it fits me, much more than any other diagnosis I've had.

It has left me very frustrated that this was not picked up sooner as looking back it was so very obvious. I understand that in the 90's girls were much less likely to be diagnosed with Autism, but still, over 25 years of contact with mental health services and no one mentioned it until now.

It's also left me with an even bigger sense of lack of self. I'm just not sure how to find 'me' under the years of (unconscious/forced) masking. So I thought I'd join a forum as a start

A bit about me: I have a degree in biomedical sciences and work part time in a lab, although I'm off work sick at the moment due to burnout. I play several instruments, mainly saxophone. I live with my parents, it's a constant goal to move into my own place, I have on a few occasions, even once moving to a different city for a job, but I always seem to end up back home. 

And I think that's long enough