Er, hello?

Hello,

I've just signed up and want to introduce myself but I don't know how much information I should supply. Sorry if I get it wrong.

I’m a male my 50s. Nearly 20 years ago I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with BPD. I was prescribed a max dose of quetiapine and mirtazapine, which I’ve been on up to December 2023. I self-tapered the quetiapine about a year ago and came off the mirtazapine with the help of my GP in December. This was rough though as I was dropping 15mg a month. Stopping entirely was the hardest and I still have problems sleeping.

But, on the positive side, I have realised just how sedated I have been. Now I’m off medication I’m being carful to monitor my mental health and a few weeks back I was watching a video on YT by a lady whose channel is called Ava Benji, where she spoke about Autism and misdiagnosed BPD. I found myself saying “I do that” so many times, I thought I should learn more about Autism.

So, last week I took four online Autism tests and some related ones. I don’t know if it’s the done thing to post scores, but I will supply if required. All say I’m Autistic, on the AQ test I score 38. I don’t appear to have ADHD though.

So, I’m a little freaked out. But Autism feels more “right” than the BPD diagnosis. I don’t “act out”, I internalise and I’ve never exhibited the love/hate duality in relationships that BPD sufferers have to endure.

Ultimately, I want to know myself better and try to understand how best to play this hand of cards that life has delt me.

I hope I’ve made a good first impression,

Dragonfly