Published on 12, July, 2020
Good Morning
I have a 11 year old daughter with autism. She is in main stream school P6 going into P7 after the holidays. The issue is we are having real issues with her getting up in the morning to go to school and then she refuses to go to school. She is physically bigger and stronger than myself and has potential to lash out. I can not force her to go to school. I feel like I have no control over her at the moment. I am currently signed off work due to her behaviour as it is causing me so much stress and I have been but on antidepressants aswell. Please help
I don't have children, am an aunt to 4 with a lot of childminding experiences, so take my replies as a curious bystander rather than any experienced input! I am also a very literal autist, so you may find my responses pedantic.
MrsB said:I feel like I have no control over her at the moment
Of course you don't, she's not a remote-control toy. She is a young human being who thinks differently from you.
MrsB said:issues with her getting up in the morning to go to school and then she refuses to go to school
What is she avoiding or dreading? Is it overwhelming noise, bright lights, confusing teaching... Can those issues be addressed? One of my friends had trouble with her ADHD son (before his, and my, diagnoses). I asked her if she'd ever told her son when she was leaving the house to get to work, how long he would need to get ready in the morning and what the routine should be, so he knew what time to get up. She hadn't, she just shouted at him for not getting up, not brushing teeth, not getting to the door in time. Once she explained the routine, and timings, mornings became less fraught. He wasn't able to pick up on the things his neurotypical mum thought that everyone knew, they had to be pointed out.
MrsB said:I am currently signed off work due to her behaviour
I suspect you are signed off work due to your response (frustration) to her behaviour... I only say this because I know from my own frustrations, sometimes the only thing I can change is my response to the situation, and it may not help you framing the problem as completely your daughter's fault (it isn't her fault, it's the world's fault for not accommodating her properly). So when my niece lies on the ground kicking and screaming temper tantrum in the middle of a shop, I can either reason with her or leave her to it. If I intervene I risk physical injury to myself, or shouting myself hoarse and annoying all the other people in the shop who are already annoyed with her noise. If I don't intervene it will burn out eventually. Particularly if she is ignored or laughed at (she is neurotypical). I worry that putting the blame on your daughter reinforces that she is a problem rather than a person who has problems with the world around her due to a condition that came with her genes.
Thank you for the reply. It’s so hard as I’m trying to learn along the way and I don’t even know where to get advice from. The waiting lists for help is ridiculous, we went private for her diagnosis and will probably need to go private to get medication for her to sleep as nobody wants to help. I will definitely try the morning routine with her hopefully it helps. Thank you for the advice