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Behaviour

Josephine

Hi I'm new here but hoping for any help support and advice, I have a 12 year old daughter who has a diagnosis of autism she is high functioning and to many appears like any other adolecsent young lady. As a family we are really struggling with behaviour issues. She is incredibly aggressive and threatening towards me and her younger sister on a daily basis and I am at breaking point not knowing how to manage this behaviour is anyone else in or been in similar situation and have any tips to help us as a family any advice much appreciated. Thanks 

  • It's stress, she's reacting to feeling overwhelmed in some way.

  • If you can get hold of a copy of Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2006 (ISBN 1 84310 495 4 this code helps a library or book shop to locate it), there is a section on Anger pages 143 to 147.

    To briefly summarise, he suggests the volume control for someone on the spectrum quickly goes from level 1 or 2 to 9 or 10, no middle ground. Also anger may substitute for other emotions that cannot be so readily expressed. Wanting to be alone is more likely to be expressed through anger, even when someone else is trying to be helpful.

    Some people report not being able to cry but responding with anger instead. They have a limited vocabulary of emotional expression.

    Some children however use anger to obtain dominance and control over others to better secure being left alone. It is also a likely response to being teased where it is difficult to interpret others intentions, and is a usual reaction to bullying.

    As depression and low self esteem are common with asperger's this is usually internalised but sometimes is expressed via 'externalised agitated depression'.

    Referring to the role of the amygdala in respect of aspergers, they may not be aware of increasing emotional stress until it overwhems them, hence meltdown.

    Those having difficulty expressing feelings using words ('alexithymia') may use physical acts to articulate this.

    Here is that all important paragraph p146 about children well behaved at school who turn aggressive at home. The anger here is being used as a mood restorative - makes the person with aspergers feel better. (Intriging way of looking at this problem).

    Another reason for anger he suggests is pre-emptive strike - if expecting meanness, gets in there first.

    This, I observe having summarised Attwood's points,cannot be encouraging for a parent wondering how best to cope with a child being aggressive to her and her siblings. It may take a bit of trying to understand what is going on in your child's thoughts and why she might be using anger to resolve it.

    As we often comment, don't expect any help from professionals such as GPs because they make no attempt to understand autism (sorry that's my cynicism again, not Attwood's view)..