Newly diagnosed autistic child

Head up chick. *hug* it will be alright x

Hopes and dreams are subjective, and your child could achieve more because of an autistic talent for instance, than if she had been neurotypical.  We should celebrate individualism, not wish to all be like sheep.  Be proud of your daughter.  Whilst she sits playing alone, she could be mulling over how things work and turn out to be a genius who invents something.  Why would you need to do anything about that (other than nurture her uniqueness and talents)?

Thank you so much for everyone's reply and advice. I know it will take me awhile to accept. I also know that I am being selfish because of the hopes and dreams that I imagine what my child would be. I just need to make new dreams for her. It is true that I keep comparing her with other children. It just that some basic things that when I drop her off to her daycare. She won't play with other kids. She's by herself playing. I know it's not her fault or anyone's fault. It just bothers me that I can't do anything about it.

Nothing is wrong with your child. 

Its the way you believe all children should conform to the same ideals.

Im not having ago or being mean but once you stop comparing you can learn to see how wonderfully talented your child is.

Maybe this will make you feel better, it's something I saw on another forum:

"On Saturday I went to the “New Look at Autism” talk at the beautiful Sheepdrove Eco Centre in Berkshire, UK. Among the speakers was Rupert Isaacson, author of the wonderful book “The Horse Boy” http://www.horseboyfoundation.org/book-film/the-book/about-the-book.html.  The Horse Boy is a story of how the father of an autistic boy takes his son all the way to see the shaman of the Raindeer Tribe in Mongolia in the hope that his son may be “healed.” Rupert had long recognised the benefits of shamanic healing (yay!) and he had also seen how well his son Rowan responded to his neighbour’s horse, Betsy. Much of the trip was made on horseback, which is massive feat considering that even taking his son to the supermarket had become a nightmare for Rupert and his wife. Rupert said that in his opinion, clues to an autistic child’s gifts could be found in their “stimming” – the repetitive physical movements that autistic children often make (stimming is short for “self stimulation”).

For example, Rupert had a child on one of his Horse Boy camps who flatly refused to get on a horse; instead he just wanted to play with the water in a pond. Rupert allowed this and some clever soul watched over the child. The boy appeared to be slapping the water, gathering it up somehow, then letting it go, then he would fling his arms up into the air, only to then go back to rapidly scooping up water. He constantly repeated this process. To the onlooker, it looked like madness. But the man that was watching over this child took photos, and amazingly, the photos actually captured images of water sculptures that the child was making. He was actually shaping the water into images – of dolphins and horses for example, and when he created a pleasing image, he would fling his arms back in happiness, then he repeated the process all over again.

Rather than seeing autistic children as damaged and in need of healing, Rupert believes they are very special, so special in fact that he calls them “Dreamweavers,” as Rowan’s condition led Rupert to achieve many of his dreams. Rupert’s views on stimming are that they are a method of creation, which are intentional. Either they clear energy – for example shaking hands around the middle clear energy channels within the child’s energy body, or they create a vibrational resonance, an energy, that is needed for some reason. Therefore, when a child arranges, say, sticks in a particular pattern, they are creating an energetic frequency, which either they themselves, their parents or the world at large needs for some reason. Rupert said that autistic children have a greater link to spirit than non-autistic children, and in fact most have shamanic tendencies. Rowan is obsessed with animals, particularly endangered species for example.

We heard a story from another speaker, Suzy Miller, (author of the book Awesomism http://www.awesomism.net/), about a little girl who loved collecting anything to do with birds, and then was seen in front of a hedge at school talking to a hummingbird which was hovering right in front of her – for enough time as it took the whole playground to gather around her. Rather than damaged, Rupert asked us to perceive autistic children as unique, special and beautiful, and to understand that they have often come to heal their parents – and quite possibly the world, rather than needing healing themselves. One of the struggles Rupert had with Rowan was his physical incontinence. Until his meeting with the shaman, Rowan regularly soiled himself, which put his parents under huge strain and worry. My sense is that he had such problems as he was largely unaware he even had a body that defecated. Because autistic kids are more spiritually aware and are concerned with the bigger picture, going to the toilet is something that just does not appear on their radar. For spirits, as we know, do not have bodies, and do not have to cope with bodily things. This view was met by Suzy Miller who refused to call children autistic, instead referring to them as “children diagnosed with autism.” She believed that such children only incarnated into their bodies as far as their hearts. (A professor of psychology told me recently that it takes even “normal” children up to age seven to fully incarnate into their bodies). So an autistic child does not even fully inhabit their body!

Suzy was an amazing lady who had developed a psychic link to the autistic non-verbal children she often worked with in her role as a speech therapist. One child in particular, a four year old, taught her telepathically how to heal him - and other children! She asked him why so many autistic children were coming in now and was told by this tiny tot that they were coming in answer to our request for a new type of human, as we had done quite a good job of stuffing the world up ourselves. How amazing is that?? She backed up Rupert’s suggestion that parents of autistic children should pay close attention to the things that their children do. For example she told us one boy, Tommy, played music over and over, driving his parents almost mad. One day his mother realised that there were messages to her in the music he was playing, answers in the songs to her own questions! Tommy now has his own Facebook page and in return for your details will provide you with a song which will speak to your heart. How beautiful is that? If you are a parent with an autistic child then I strongly recommend both the books mentioned above."

You are right. Yeah, I know that my child can have kids. I'm just saying in general you know. I'm still in pain and I'm still trying to accept it. I know it doesn't matter whether I can accept it or not. It is the way it is and there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do now is take care of my daughter the best way possible. Having another child is not even an option for me anymore. Since, my daughter is having too much problem. It's not fair for me to take the risk just because of my dream having a big family. To bring more kids in this world and all of them might end up having the same problem as my daughter it is not going to happen. I honestly don't think if I can handle it myself. I do appreciate y'all are talking to me. I have no one else to talk too. At least my husband seems okay and I know he is getting tired of me crying.

Having autism does not mean your daughter would not have children, it is a largely genetic condition after all.  If she does have autism, a sibling would be a higher risk for having it too but that doesn't mean they definitely would.

It's true that my husband is hard on me for doing all these testing for my child. However, as a parent I know there's something off with my child but he thinks that opposite. To be honest with you guys, even though my husband is hard on me. My husband told me that it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is. She is our daughter and I love her no matter what. However, I'm the one that's crying like crazy. I'm the one that's having a hard time accepting my child's problem. Did any of you have a hard time?---this is an idiotic question. What did any of you do to cope with it? I feel so selfish saying all the things that I'm saying. I have so many dreams for my child. I wanted to have a lot of grandkids. Well, she's my only child. I'm too scared to have another one just because I'm having too much problem with my daughter. I'm not quite sure if I can handle another child with the same problem. I know as a parent we have to be strong for our child. However, I'm really hurt on why is this happening to my child. Sorry for getting too emotional.

Hi again - my son used to pull my hand if he cdn't reach something himself.  He never babbled but this what he did do:

* from 2 yrs onwards he understood some single words + short phrases, as the months passed he understood more.

*  he learnt to write a number of single words between 4-5 yrs old + wd show me when he wanted something.

*  he said a 6 word phrase when he was 5.  His pronounciation was poor so his speech therapist at school was a great help.

There are so many ways to communicate without actually talking.  Does your child understand certain things you say, even if she appears to ignore you.  

I think you've done the right thing to reschedule the appt.  Early diagnosis (if she is autistic) is so v important so she can get the help she needs asap.  Will she get the support she needs, whether at day care or at school - that's vital - these sorts of places can massively stress out an autistic child + cause major problems. Gd luck with everything, inc getting your husband on board.  Far better that you lean on each other than be separate.

Do you mean you rescheduled the appointment so she can be assessed?  Unless they have indicated already that she will be diagnosed at a specific appointment, having already been assessed along the way, you wouldn't get an appointment to be diagnosed.

It's important that you do what's right for her, if your husband wants to be in denial that's his prerogative but it shouldn't impact her getting the assessing and support she needs.

Whether to home-educate is a difficult choice.  If she has no diagnosis when she starts she is unlikely to get the right support (if any) and may really struggle at school.  It's a myth that if you home-educate your child cannot socialise (unless you live in a really remote area) because there are home-educating communities in most towns that you can be a part of.  School is an unnatural environment anyway, 30 odd children of the same age in one place.  The natural order of things is to mix with a wide range of ages of children and adults in a variety of ways.

Thanks for the reply guys. Actually, you guys are right. There are times that my daughter would react just fine and sometimes she would just ignore my husband and I. Actually, majority of the time my daughter loves to ignore the people that she doesn't know. You can call her name 100 times and if she doesn't want to respond then thats it. I cancelled the appointment because my husband is not cooperating with me. He is still in denial stage I guess. As for my own observation, my daughter's hand flipping, playing with her fingers weirdly and spinning has gotten worst. As for words or sentences, my daughter would say ball, hey, mama, papa, dada, and yeah. Then, after few months she will not say it at all. Right now, the only thing that she retained is yeah.

Another thing, I still don't know the TBH or other acronym for autism. I'm still currently learning.

I need another advice if you guys don't mind. I can't decide whether to go to school or not. With all of the commotion that's going on with my child, I don't know if I should go to school or just put my child in daycare. My daughter's Early Childhood Intervention told me that socializing with kids will help my child. I don't even know what to teach her if she stay at home with me. Actually, she doesn't listen to me. She will do it ones and then do it on her own way the next. Including with going to school full-time I also work part-time at night. I still can't believe that this is happening to my child. I also I'm having a hard time in the realization of my child's case. My husband doesn't even talk to me on how he really feels with the overall problem.

You  are right. My daughter's audiologist told me that she can't hear some sounds. My husband refuses to read anything about autism or even watch any video of toddlers that has autism in it. He also refuses to go to the appointment with me. I just don't know what to do with him. I know he is having a hard time accepting it. I also have the same troubles but he refuses to talk to me about anything that has something to do with our child. All he says is when our child starts talking all of these testing and autistic stuff will need to be dropped.

Right now, the way that my daughter communicates with me is by pulling my hand and taking me to do the place or toys she wants. Mostly, when she needs something she pulls my hand. She says different sounds like wa, ba, ka and others nothing really that makes sense other than mama, papa, dada, yeah and occasional ball, and hey.

To be honest, I'm really terrified about the result that my daughter's doctor will say. I rescheduled her appointment again so she can be diagnosed.

Hi - hearing tests may be a bit different from when my son had his.  He appeared not to hear the different noises around him, created by the professionals.  They explained to me that they also looked to where his eyes moved.  This was because whilst he appeared not to be hearing, whenever a noise was made his head didn't move, but his eyes did, in the direction of the sound.  His hearing was ok. I had always thought it was.

 As others have sd, it's important to learn about autism + how it affects your child as an individual.  By doing that you can be of great help and make life easier.  Loads of info via the home pg + the posts so have a look around.  Post any questions you have.  Also, going thru the diagnostic process and getting a diagnosis can be a very emotional time + we totally understand that (check out the posts).  Sometimes spouses are more amenable to listening to a "professional" so if your husband had that opportunity or maybe some literature was left lying around, perhaps that might help?  There are posts here about partners who have trouble accepting the diagnostic process and/or diagnosis itself.  Come back any time.

I can't add anything more to what Laura said except the hearing tests can be a bit deceptive. There is a difference between not hearing and choosing to react or respond. Apparently I refused to respond to the tests at that age so convinced the doctors I had a hearing problem. Mum knew otherwise because I was quite happy to respond at other times when it suited me. 

Also don't get too hung up on the "wired differently" comment. All kids are different, learn differently, think differently. By two years old they are quite capable of deciding if talking, walking, listening is to thier immediate advantage and changing thier actions to suit. Our lad would play for an hour with a certain toy so really didn't feel the need to walk, so he didn't.

Good luck with the assessments but trust your own feelings as well as what they tell you. Love to Sophie.

It is difficult when your child is first diagnosed and yes you will cry but being in denial won't help. As soon as you accept it and realise you have to re-educate yourself on how to teach and interact your child you would have made your first major step. I was told by my doctor when my son was diagnosed that autistic children are just wired different and each learn in their own way. I did a lot of research into techniques you can use and used word cards etc which have been a great help.

It's been a year now since we were first told he may be autistic and April since formal diagnosis and he has come on leaps and bounds. It's important that everyone that cares for your little girl uses the same techniques, short simple instructions are the best. Since I changed how I interacted with Dylan a year ago and got extra help from the school, Dylan is a different child. He talks to me and sometimes to his teachers (last year he hardly said a word), they aren't indepth conversations but we communicate!

It does get easier in time but you have to work as a team and let her learn at her own pace.

TBH if one ear is working normally I don't think hearing could be affecting her behaviour to make her seem autistic.

There might be counselling for parents of autistic children in your area.