Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago. My fiancé was diagnosed about 18 months or so ago. Whilst my diagnosis was an eye opening experience, it fundamentally led to a lot of self forgiveness. My fiancé is not having the same experience. He says the things he dislikes about himself the most are permanent. He's struggling bad, and I don't know how to support him properly. Can anyone help?
Hi!
I also had a similar experience to your fiancé when I received my late diagnosis despite being quite keen to get some answers. Growing up no one ever thought I was autistic, so everything I did "wrong" was grouped into things I could fix if I tried hard enough. Shortly after getting the diagnosis I had the realisation that I can't fix the things people don't like about me. I felt like although my diagnosis gave me answers I needed, it also kind of ruined any hope I had of being accepted or living life like my peers.
I didn't really have any help surrounding these feelings, after my diagnosis I have been looking autistic influencers and the content they provide, doing my own research and trying to find out how autism affects me. I think looking at a lot of positive and logical ways people explained autism helped me to not resent the diagnosis as much. As beforehand I looked at being unfixable, I can now think there's nothing that needs fixing, I might just need help in some situations, and that's ok.
I think it's important to know whether the things you fiancé doesn't like about themselves is due to other peoples influence, as you may tell from my spiel a lot of things I dislike has been influenced by others, or if it's things they genuinely do not like about themselves. Then it might help you have some direction in how to help. If it's other peoples influence, I think it may just take time, reassurance, and help in trying to rephrase what they don't like in a positive way.
Have they sought any therapies/counselling or anything like that in the past 18 months?