Published on 12, July, 2020
Please would love some feedback how to deal with a situation that happened at school today. My daughter is 13 and is undiagnosed and waiting her assessment. I'm beginning to have issues with her not going to class but today I was in for total shock. So today first I had message stating my daughter was not in class to calls from the school police man stating my daughter had a knife and was flashing it about. I'm angry upset and at my whits end this is very out of character and now she is getting charged. She is a good kid and how do I punish her. My partner is arguing with me saying she blaming everyone other than herself. We spoke and she says she doesn't know why. She gets bullied for being different. She has been in her room since lunch no Xbox or phone.apparantly it's not a good enough punishment. I need help and thought on this. Thanks
Ayrshire
I don’t know the situations specifics. But two possibilities spring to mind.
One she just likes knives saw a knife but she thought was cool and wanted to show it off to people. Autistic people can get Fixated on anything could be our favourite football, rubber ducks, or a knife. And I dare say in her mind a knife is a tool not a weapon and why wouldn’t you show a tool that you really like to your friends. she’d probably carry a cool spanner in a pocket to show people as well and and from her point of view why would anyone consider that to be a problem?
possibility 2 she’s being bullied. I mean physically assaulted repeatedly on a regular basis. and with her social issues she cannot tell the difference between someone just being angry enough to punch her and wanting to kill her. and potentially having gone to parents or teachers repeatedly talking about how she’s being bullied and having nothing done about it she has become so frightened that she feels she needs to carry a weapon and resolve the bullying issue with force on her own because no one else will step in on her behalf. And of course if you then turn around and tell her off for this to her you look like a hypocrite because you did nothing about the bullying.
autistic people tend to think in a straight line. if someone uses physical force against you you use physical force back against them. even if that’s not socially acceptable. especially if the socially acceptable route isn’t yielding results. and if you have say maybe 4 bullies who like to gang up on you you need a way to multiply your force four times.
so of course she isn’t going to incriminate herself to you by discussing her real motivations or feelings. What would you do if she did? Would you walk into the school yard and give her bullies a clip round the ear? Would you pull her out of school and homeschool her to keep her away from them? Anything that might improve the situation from her point of view? If carrying the knife is related to the bullying she wouldn’t of done it if she thought she could rely on you in the first place.
Well yeah she has me and I'm on that phone or down at the school slot actually.. she took a knife she wouldn't have used it. She is quiet and struggles with dealing with emotions. Yeah she regretted it and didn't fully understand that effect this would have.Shr has been punished by school and charged by the police. But yeah maybe I'll get the support since no one listens. I have 2 older boys on spectrum and this is different. I make my daughter number 1 priority so don't assume.
Peter said:If carrying the knife is related to the bullying she wouldn’t of done it if she thought she could rely on you in the first place.
Isn't that a bit harsh?