I've been a bit nervous just starting a post, even though i know that this is all anonymous... stupid self doubt.
Anyway, im a 40 yr old who has struggled forever, always not knowning what was wrong with myself. Slipped through the cracks in my youth & didn't even register on parents, teachers, doctors radar. Its only now that they're telling me that i have asd & adhd.
I'm currently on the assessment waiting list... clocked in at 2 years now. hopefully i'll hear next year (or maybe not)
I've always struggled with depression & it was like 10 years ago i was diagnosed with bipolar (wow, sorry, just writing this out sounds like a shopping list) I guess without me realising it, i never knew how much i had masked. After like 30+ years of doing it, i had a massive meltdown / breakdown couple of years ago. Alot of punches mentally i guess & the old brain couldn't take it anymore (though i realised now that i've actally many meltdowns over the years and no red flags for the doctors). I've always had a distrust of doctors and medical service. Bad experiences & only so much of being fobbed off & not listening to me. *thud* depression! ... rubber stamped and nicely wrapped up for them as an explanation ... hear, take this... Oh, didnt work, take this... and so on.
I had a past work colleague who actually said to me after that period that they always thought that i was on the spectrum & just assumed i knew that.. so in turn i realised at this point & looking back that they were probably right. The gp i saw wasn't too sure at first and continued to put it down to severe depression & anxiety, but they finally got me to see a psychiatrist who eventually got me to take the test & as a scored high put me on the referral waiting list for both asd & adhd. So here i am.
I've never really had friends & its always been tough to find like minded people due to crippling social issues & heavy masking. I've finally had the courage to seek out people & communites.
So, Hello.
(apologies for the ramblings)
