Hi

 I've been a bit nervous just starting a post, even though i know that this is all anonymous... stupid self doubt.

Anyway, im a 40 yr old who has struggled forever, always not knowning what was wrong with myself. Slipped through the cracks in my youth & didn't even register on parents, teachers, doctors radar. Its only now that they're telling me that i have asd & adhd.
I'm currently on the assessment waiting list... clocked in at 2 years now. hopefully i'll hear next year (or maybe not)
I've always struggled with depression & it was like 10 years ago i was diagnosed with bipolar (wow, sorry, just writing this out sounds like a shopping list) I guess without me realising it, i never knew how much i had masked. After like 30+ years of doing it, i had a massive meltdown / breakdown couple of years ago. Alot of punches mentally i guess & the old brain couldn't take it anymore (though i realised now that i've actally many meltdowns over the years and no red flags for the doctors). I've always had a distrust of doctors and medical service. Bad experiences & only so much of being fobbed off & not listening to me. *thud* depression! ... rubber stamped and nicely wrapped up for them as an explanation ... hear, take this... Oh, didnt work, take this... and so on.
I had a past work colleague who actually said to me after that period that they always thought that i was on the spectrum & just assumed i knew that.. so in turn i realised at this point & looking back that they were probably right. The gp i saw wasn't too sure at first and continued to put it down to severe depression & anxiety, but they finally got me to see a psychiatrist who eventually got me to take the test & as a scored high put me on the referral waiting list for both asd & adhd. So here i am. 
I've never really had friends & its always been tough to find like minded people due to crippling social issues & heavy masking. I've finally had the courage to seek out people & communites. 

So, Hello. 
(apologies for the ramblings)

Parents
  • Wolfie,

    That wasn't a ramble, it was a life story.... very like my own.  I didn't get properly assessed/diagnosed until I was 67, ASD High Functioning, since when I've read many books on autism and encountered a whole bunch folk on this forum with similar back-stories.

    I've no regrets, I just wish I'd know earlier in life.

    Welcome to the forum.

    Ben

Reply
  • Wolfie,

    That wasn't a ramble, it was a life story.... very like my own.  I didn't get properly assessed/diagnosed until I was 67, ASD High Functioning, since when I've read many books on autism and encountered a whole bunch folk on this forum with similar back-stories.

    I've no regrets, I just wish I'd know earlier in life.

    Welcome to the forum.

    Ben

Children
  • Thanks Ben. It's tough putting such personal experiences out there, I've only kept these things hidden away in me and only felt shame to tell people about my internal battles. I'm happy that you finally got those answers and in a way I feel happier knowing that I'm not alone in finding out years into your life. Totally agree with you, I wish I knew earlier. Thank you for sharing and reaching out, I appreciate it.