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45 Years, just got my diagnosis today and I am actually devastated..

BjornUK78
11 months ago

So I had the final part of my assessment today, and was told that I meet the criteria for diagnosis of ASD and displayed many of the traits, apparently an easy diagnosis.

This has come as a shock, and you may ask why I ended up in this position in the first place, the answer to which is rather simple, to appease others who thought I should.

I am not even sure why I have turned to this forum to vent this either, I guess that it is probably due to my slightly stoic reaction to it with my family, as I did not want them to worry about my mental health.

I knew I was different growing up and into my adult life, but never wanted my behaviour to be pathologized, as I think we are too quick to.. anyway it turns out I know now why, but I truly don't want it, I have spent so much time and expended so much energy trying to be normal, and for what....

Anyway, I really would to hear from anyone who went through this same journey so I can see some light at the end of this tunnel.

Thanks

B

Parents
  • 11 months ago

    Hi B, 

    Thanks for your post. 

    I am sorry to hear that the new diagnosis has caused you to feel stressed. 

    I was diagnosed at 35 (recently) and initially I felt elated, because I finally had 'an answer' to why I am like *this* but over the days following I did start to feel quite blue about everything and began to ruminate on the various 'what ifs'. 

    I understand your reticence to pathologize behaviours but maybe you don't have to look at it that way, this is just a new side to the parson you have already known all this time. You don't even really have to pay much attention/disclose your diagnosis too much if you don't feel like it - it's totally your choice.

    It makes me a little bit sad that you only undertook the process because of other people pressuring you to do so. I hope they are at least appeased that it is done now. 

    I hope you can find some light in your tunnel - we're all here to talk if you need us :) 

Reply
  • 11 months ago

    Hi B, 

    Thanks for your post. 

    I am sorry to hear that the new diagnosis has caused you to feel stressed. 

    I was diagnosed at 35 (recently) and initially I felt elated, because I finally had 'an answer' to why I am like *this* but over the days following I did start to feel quite blue about everything and began to ruminate on the various 'what ifs'. 

    I understand your reticence to pathologize behaviours but maybe you don't have to look at it that way, this is just a new side to the parson you have already known all this time. You don't even really have to pay much attention/disclose your diagnosis too much if you don't feel like it - it's totally your choice.

    It makes me a little bit sad that you only undertook the process because of other people pressuring you to do so. I hope they are at least appeased that it is done now. 

    I hope you can find some light in your tunnel - we're all here to talk if you need us :) 

Children
  • 11 months ago in reply to Autumn_Trees
    BjornUK78 said:
    but never wanted my behaviour to be pathologized, as I think we are too quick to..

    This was absolutely my feelings at 45 yrs old.............just before I had a mega autistic burnout that very nearly destroyed me, the lives of those around me and the potential for any viable future.

    I then spent a VERY expensive and upsetting period NEEDING to pathologise what the bloodyhell had just happened to me when I was at the lowest point in my life and least able to do so.  It was a catastrophic mess BjornUK78 !

    Whilst you may be feeling a little hollow right now.......I think you dodged a bullet !!  Now all you need to face is what you have described above in your VERY resonant opening remarks above.

    Autumn_Trees said:
    we're all here to talk if you need us

    Yes we are.