Hi. Both my husband and son (23 yrs.) have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in the last 18 months. This explains much of the anxiety and erratic behaviour exhibited by both of them, but does little to help any of us.We have the reports, but no follow-up. What is the point of a diagnosis if no suggestions are made following it as to how any difficulties could be made easier?
Both my husband and son are extremely high acheivers academically but social situations make them uncontrollably agitated and unpredictable. My husband saw many therapists before diagnosis who did not have a clue how to help and just put him on endless courses of anti-depressants, all of which he reacted to very badly. The councelling sessions were unhelpful since they were misdiagnosing him and as a result, he is very wary of going to anyone now. My son has been on anti-depressants since before diagnosis because of attempts to self-harm whilst at university. He is still given them routinely without any suggestion of therapy, as far as I am aware.
My son has started his first job as a graduate entrant in an IT firm (away from home) and is admitting to being very lonely, but is sure that nothing can ever improve his situation. He feels that he could never share lodgings with anyone else. He is multi-talented and has a good sense of humour but never forms any close frienships. He is so excited if people do invite him to anything but gets extremely upset afterwards because he feels that he made a fool of himself by not being able to relax and chat as he feels they can. He always says he regrets having gone. He is also always certain that they only invited him because they felt they had to and not because they wanted to. He has never initiated contact with his peers and has had no contacts in his home town for many years now. Consequently, he spent most of the long university holidays inside the house staring at a computer screen or pacing back and forth, getting more and more upset about "wasting" his holiday but not knowing what to do.
My husband is pretty much the same.He insists he wants to stay married but would rather be in a separate room with a book, computer or mobile phone to interact with.In any sort of social gathering outside the immediate family he will usually leave abruptly because he feels like he is about to be sick. He has never wanted anyone to come to the house, doesn't ever want to go out anywhere and definitely doesn't see the point of going away on holiday.
As a wife and mother with two other children, I would dearly like to make life less of a battleground for us all. Unfortunately, I need advice here. After 31 years in a very challenging marriage I am confused, do not trust my own judgement and am so stressed out that I am beginning to lose hope that I can stay with it.
I know I need to make a separate life for myself now that the kids are older,and i am teaching and volunteering in an attempt to do this, but it is still upsetting being virtually "invisible" to the person you are married to.
Does anyone relate to any of this? Is there actually any help out there?
