Wanting to meet autistic people to build a friendship with

Hi. Newly self diagnosed (on the wait list for formal diagnosis) late 40s male .. in much the same boat.

Thank you for commenting Touay, when did you first realise you might be autistic? For me I started researching a year & half ago, tried 3 times to get on the NHS waiting list but was dismissed due to previous diagnosis's of OCD, anxiety and panic disorder. Finally I decided to go privately!

I have suspected for some time. I tried to get assessed 10 years or so ago, but was incorrectly told i wasnt after a 15 minute interview.   I have tried again and have been on the nhs wait list for 6 months or so now.

Regardless of the outcome there, i know i am autistic.  I did a whole bunch of research recently that has confirmed it ... unfortunately i am having a hard time reconfiguring my brain to this new reality and how i need to intetact with people.

Perhaps you coukd write this :) There are also some great books on "boundaries" out there, often geared towards highly sensitive (HSP) and empathic folks, which I think are super relevant to the autistic community. 

I hope you do! If family or friends aren't then hopefully you'll find some fellow autistics online 

Thanks Chloe ... i guess i need to work on finding someone like that! :-)

A safe person would be someone you can be your authentic self with, someone who you don't feel is judging you or your autistic traits. Someone you can stim around. Someone who will educate themselves on autism and how it presents itself in you and also not being judged by your different way of communicating (different body language or less eye contact etc) - the way you'd naturally interact.

That sounds reasonable. is there any guidance on how to tell who a safe person would be?

I know, there should be an online guidebook or a handbook on how to become your authentic self.

What I've learnt through therapy is that learning how to socialise "better" could mean I'd be masking more for other peoples benefit and not my own. So it's more, how do I unmask with my "safe" people and have them meet me in the middle.

There seems to be a common experience when people find out they are autistic. I could use a guide with some pointers on how to handle things.

That has to be a good phd topic for some young psychologist. 

That's round about the same waiting time as my area too. I'm glad you got through the referral stage as apparently it's quite difficult to get on a waiting list (it all doesn't make much sense).

I've found open communication and honesty is a great start to interacting with others but it's finding the right people who will educate themselves about autism and more specifically how autism presents itself in you to have that communication with. Through my experience so far, learning who your "safe" people and "unsafe" people are is very important to know so you're not overly exhausting yourself by interacting with them.

I agree, it changes your whole view on your life, childhood and into adulthood and then present. Also how you interact and noticing when you're masking/unmasking is a validating experience.

I'm glad talking to other autistic people on here is helping you and hopefully it will continue whilst you're waiting for your formal diagnosis.

When i contacted the GP and got the initial referral, the wait list was 2 to 3 years .... so i have a way to go yet.  

If you manage to figure out how to interact with people, please let me know! :-) 

I was fairly sure i was autistic for the last couple of years. i am very surprised at the psychological difference in how it has affected me, now that i am certain. That realization that i am completely lost when it comes to meaningful interaction with people.  

This board is really helping though ... knowing there are others out there who experience the same thing certainly make me fell more normal and less 'broken' somehow.

I'm sorry that's been your experience, it's quite difficult to be diagnosed by the system (which makes no sense to me). Do you know how long the waiting list is in your area? As I know it's different for everyone.

Self diagnosis is completely valid and hopefully you have found clarity with that knowledge as you know yourself best! I can understand that, I'm still figuring out how to interact with others, it's especially hard to interact with others who haven't done much research to educate themselves to help us feel accepted during our journey.

I'm sorry that's been your experience, it's quite difficult to be diagnosed by the system (which makes no sense to me). Do you know how long the waiting list is in your area? As I know it's different for everyone.

Self diagnosis is completely valid and hopefully you have found clarity with that knowledge as you know yourself best! I can understand that, I'm still figuring out how to interact with others, it's especially hard to interact with others who haven't done much research to educate themselves to help us feel accepted during our journey.

Perhaps you coukd write this :) There are also some great books on "boundaries" out there, often geared towards highly sensitive (HSP) and empathic folks, which I think are super relevant to the autistic community. 

I hope you do! If family or friends aren't then hopefully you'll find some fellow autistics online 

Thanks Chloe ... i guess i need to work on finding someone like that! :-)

A safe person would be someone you can be your authentic self with, someone who you don't feel is judging you or your autistic traits. Someone you can stim around. Someone who will educate themselves on autism and how it presents itself in you and also not being judged by your different way of communicating (different body language or less eye contact etc) - the way you'd naturally interact.

That sounds reasonable. is there any guidance on how to tell who a safe person would be?

I know, there should be an online guidebook or a handbook on how to become your authentic self.

What I've learnt through therapy is that learning how to socialise "better" could mean I'd be masking more for other peoples benefit and not my own. So it's more, how do I unmask with my "safe" people and have them meet me in the middle.

There seems to be a common experience when people find out they are autistic. I could use a guide with some pointers on how to handle things.

That has to be a good phd topic for some young psychologist. 

That's round about the same waiting time as my area too. I'm glad you got through the referral stage as apparently it's quite difficult to get on a waiting list (it all doesn't make much sense).

I've found open communication and honesty is a great start to interacting with others but it's finding the right people who will educate themselves about autism and more specifically how autism presents itself in you to have that communication with. Through my experience so far, learning who your "safe" people and "unsafe" people are is very important to know so you're not overly exhausting yourself by interacting with them.

I agree, it changes your whole view on your life, childhood and into adulthood and then present. Also how you interact and noticing when you're masking/unmasking is a validating experience.

I'm glad talking to other autistic people on here is helping you and hopefully it will continue whilst you're waiting for your formal diagnosis.

When i contacted the GP and got the initial referral, the wait list was 2 to 3 years .... so i have a way to go yet.  

If you manage to figure out how to interact with people, please let me know! :-) 

I was fairly sure i was autistic for the last couple of years. i am very surprised at the psychological difference in how it has affected me, now that i am certain. That realization that i am completely lost when it comes to meaningful interaction with people.  

This board is really helping though ... knowing there are others out there who experience the same thing certainly make me fell more normal and less 'broken' somehow.