Hello , advise re the autism assessment process

Hello , I have x 2 children who are autistic and a partner of 20 years who is diagnosed with adhd ( as an adult ) and has just had an assessment done for asd where he didn't get a diagnosis using an ados . 

For context my partner didn't talk till he was 4 or walk till he was 3 . He had no friends growing up as he found it too tricky eg he has one birthday party when he was 7 and he spent it under the table lining up his Lego in colour co ordinated  lines and biting anyone that touched it .... He had a statement of Sen at school in the 80's  but no diagnosis , he was eventually left in a pupil referral unit where he played snooker all day till he left at 16 . He can not read or write and is every way imaginable is identical to out 2 children . I am 100% certain that he is autistic however the clinician who did the ados said he has traits due to the good eye contact he gave and the way he communicated . 

my question is should we go private and request a different type of assessment eg a DiSco or just stop and try and accept that maybe we are wrong ..he could really use support in all areas of his life eg work but without being able say that he is autistic he's been very difficult for him and part of me doesn't want to question the vadilty  of an ados as I've been reading that they are very accurate and I doubt any medical professional would back a second option via the nhs ( he waited 5 years for this assessment ) . 

Thank you

  • Hi, a private assessment can be expensive but I think it’s worth it in your case. I have a city & Guilds in Communication Skills with a distinction, I am very poor at communicating and will often be non verbal for days. We just learnt to give the outside world what they want from us. I hate eye contact but can do it if I feel it’s what the other person is expecting, as Dawn said, we learn to flick our eyes up and down and I look at the middle of their top lip. I also bit other children as a child and struggle with reading and writing, autism and dyslexia are just two things that come under the neurodiverse umbrella. Your partner has learnt how to mask so he fits in.  The people who decide  the diagnosis are not autistic.

  • It makes me so cross when they trott out the 'eye contact' thing. Many of us can fake that. I look at faces, fleeting at eyes, mostly at the mouth. People rarely notice.

    Hmmm...we aren't qualified to say re communication but it does sound like there is more than enough there to warrant a second opinion. Not reading, huh? Any chance of dyslexia back there? It's a related neurodivergence. I'm dyslexic too. I've got a family stuffed full of assorted neurodivergences; dyslexia, dyspraxia, autism, synesthesia...my granddad born 1895 was a wiz at learning the Latin names for plants and mental maths - never could read though. My aunt tried to teach him but said it was like he was "trying backwards".

    Sadly, getting a second opinion on the NHS is not easy and private is expensive, but probably worth ago. It does sound like more than just ADHD going on. It would have to be what he wants though. Not up to anyone else to decide.

    But does sound like someone who understands the full range of potential neurodivergence and recognise and distinguish between them; determine where ADHD stops and autism or dyspraxia etc start, needs to dig deeper. 

  • I would suggest a private assessment.

    I can't however advise on the type as mine was via the NHS.