I want a friend

My name is Adiyat. I am 17 years old and have autism and ADHD.

 I’ve been very lonely lately and have been trying to socialise more. I’ve always struggled with making friends and maintaining friendships but these problems have been frustrating me more than ever recently. I feel sad, anxious, frustrated and isolated. I’ve had bad experiences with other people before and I’m scared of trying to make new friends.

I know I’m not alone in these feelings but right now I feel like it’s never going to end and that I’ll always be lonely. Every time I made a plan to reach out and socialise with someone I either put it off or the other person doesn’t keep their promise to go out with me. I’m scared of forming new connections out of fear that I’ll lose them all over again or that it’ll end badly because these things have happened to me before.
Every time I try to reach out and things begin to get better, I end up back where I started emotionally.

 I hope that someone will read this and understand how I feel because right now I feel hopeless.