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Hi I need answers!

gary1965james

We adopted my son 10 years ago and we have had it very hard, with is very violent and challenging behaviour. He was diagnosed with autism about a month ago. I took it very badly like grief, I got very upset. Felt like good and bad at he same time, good because it explains everything. Bad because he has it forever and I love the lad to bits. Did anyone else react like this?

  • Hi - I think your feelings are natural.  For some parents a diagnosis can feel like grief, as well as a relief in other ways.  Even if it doesn't feel like grief, even if you had your suspicions, a diagnosis brings it home to you.

    People adjust at their own rate + to their own degree.  Loving him is the most important thing.  I found that the more I learnt about autism the more I realised how difficult life cd be for my son.  Understanding the condition alters your understanding of your child.  Some people see the negatives only + react accordingly.  Doing that is a dead end + does a lot of harm to all concerned.  I think you've got to see the positives as well.  Life can be so difficult for these children + adults that they deserve our admiration on a daily basis.  We've got to try as best we can to appreciate things from our child's position, rather than always think like a neuro-typical person.  If we continue always to think NT, then we diminish their feelings/difficulties.

    You're on a journey + it's an emotional 1.  You need time/information/support.  People on here will give you all that.  bw

  • Exactly I understand totally how you feel as it is just how I feel too.  Diagnosed  last month after a year of appointments , depresson, (him) and countless problems at school.  There is element of relief because it does explain so so much yet I find it hard to comprehend what it must be like for him and I feel annoyed by how he is.  To be honest I havd felt some awful horrible things despite how much I love him and I cant really express to anyone quite how I feel about it as I guess I dont really know.

    It feels like a life sentence at the moment and I can only hope that he will come to terms with who he is ( or what he is as he likes to put it -and that is horrid and makes me sad he sees himself like that)

    How old is your son?

    Take care, there are great days, ok days and really awful days - try and hang onto the great ones when the going gets tough!

    Mary x