Relationship issues

Its improving but the literary side to the ASD girl is thin on the ground, though something could appear anytime. I know not much help. I have most likely lived with an undiagnosed partner for over 30 years. Lets say there is similarity for arguments sake. In my case i feel she understands love, but the strong outcome is in fact dependence and some co-dependence in various ways. I feel matters shall have evolved had their been a diagnosis for her, but without there not much in place in order to make adaptation. It seems - the girls tend to be far more rigid with thier emotional certainty and have a great challenge with altering thier concepts. Possibly bordering on hubris even, it can be clear that things are not working too well for a relationships sake & the shared experience but they'll show no concern. My partner hasn't got the first idea to this day how i feel about most things as she has not seen it as important to her. It has worked due to a separate form of resilience probably, but then again there is either a way to work around such things based on the sincere understanding that impairment is significant = empathy or there isn't. I will say it is very difficult to have a relationship when there is such a huge imbalance, in our case i feel that as there is myself with a diagnosis & own challenges, then i traded my obstacles for her to put up with as an even barter for hers = it worked.  There is a difficult deficit insomuch that shared understanding could have been more mutual. But then again life so often has a funny way of laying down its 'lot' - we then look at that picture and decide. How that would work for a guy not bringing neuro absurdity to the table i dread to think though tbh - you might be in a romance with athe phenomenon of romance and not the actual being. In other words just the ontology of love, not 'love as we know it' as an ASD girl might expect to work with just the ideology. Difficult as we'll usually understand from previously when a partner had some idea of another persons feelings. But also the family as we grow up teaches most of the rudiments, and frankly that mentoring is accurate usually. Far from trying to suggest that every ASD girl has such traits, ( they won't ofc ) but it could still be the name of the game. If so this might well be where the disorienting sense of not feeling 'close' compared to other relationships - a very odd emotional distancing. Ordinarily with love, we humans use a vast amount of symbolic codes based on tokens of emotional understanding back & forth & get used to this as a norm. The ASD girl might not code back like this, yet show alternate interest in its place which delivers a strange feeling which is hard to describe or decode. In my case ? - i decided not to leave, so knew i had no alternative but just accept it & not expect to be understood on a conventional emotional level. She would still require it however though in a 'version' (lol) and will freak out if not eventually - not right away it builds up. In the end i had to agree with myself to that it could never never be more, & that in essence i didn't love her unless i was willing to accept this relationship gibberish. On major disadvantage is feeling far more lonely considering one is in a long term relationship that would otherwise be the case. In act that is probably the most challenging aspect of all. However this also rather defines the propensity to accept ASD based on its disadvantages for someone or not. If not then someone might leave such a relationship presumably. 

This may not help as we'll have no way of knowing if the parallels required for it to compare are appropriate. 

Go well.

Its improving but the literary side to the ASD girl is thin on the ground, though something could appear anytime. I know not much help. I have most likely lived with an undiagnosed partner for over 30 years. Lets say there is similarity for arguments sake. In my case i feel she understands love, but the strong outcome is in fact dependence and some co-dependence in various ways. I feel matters shall have evolved had their been a diagnosis for her, but without there not much in place in order to make adaptation. It seems - the girls tend to be far more rigid with thier emotional certainty and have a great challenge with altering thier concepts. Possibly bordering on hubris even, it can be clear that things are not working too well for a relationships sake & the shared experience but they'll show no concern. My partner hasn't got the first idea to this day how i feel about most things as she has not seen it as important to her. It has worked due to a separate form of resilience probably, but then again there is either a way to work around such things based on the sincere understanding that impairment is significant = empathy or there isn't. I will say it is very difficult to have a relationship when there is such a huge imbalance, in our case i feel that as there is myself with a diagnosis & own challenges, then i traded my obstacles for her to put up with as an even barter for hers = it worked.  There is a difficult deficit insomuch that shared understanding could have been more mutual. But then again life so often has a funny way of laying down its 'lot' - we then look at that picture and decide. How that would work for a guy not bringing neuro absurdity to the table i dread to think though tbh - you might be in a romance with athe phenomenon of romance and not the actual being. In other words just the ontology of love, not 'love as we know it' as an ASD girl might expect to work with just the ideology. Difficult as we'll usually understand from previously when a partner had some idea of another persons feelings. But also the family as we grow up teaches most of the rudiments, and frankly that mentoring is accurate usually. Far from trying to suggest that every ASD girl has such traits, ( they won't ofc ) but it could still be the name of the game. If so this might well be where the disorienting sense of not feeling 'close' compared to other relationships - a very odd emotional distancing. Ordinarily with love, we humans use a vast amount of symbolic codes based on tokens of emotional understanding back & forth & get used to this as a norm. The ASD girl might not code back like this, yet show alternate interest in its place which delivers a strange feeling which is hard to describe or decode. In my case ? - i decided not to leave, so knew i had no alternative but just accept it & not expect to be understood on a conventional emotional level. She would still require it however though in a 'version' (lol) and will freak out if not eventually - not right away it builds up. In the end i had to agree with myself to that it could never never be more, & that in essence i didn't love her unless i was willing to accept this relationship gibberish. On major disadvantage is feeling far more lonely considering one is in a long term relationship that would otherwise be the case. In act that is probably the most challenging aspect of all. However this also rather defines the propensity to accept ASD based on its disadvantages for someone or not. If not then someone might leave such a relationship presumably. 

This may not help as we'll have no way of knowing if the parallels required for it to compare are appropriate. 

Go well.

Thanks for the reply grubby