Published on 12, July, 2020
Don't know how to start this with any measure of finesse, so I'll just dive right in!
I live in north wales, they do not treat me like a human being here. I became a father last year, and at the time I was officially diagnosed schizophrenic. While my partner was giving birth, I let slip what my condition was to the midwives, who proceeded to call the police, who took my son away. Health visitors told the police I was threatening. How is telling people that I have a mental health condition considered 'threatening'? The police don't treat us like human beings, we are waste to them, and should be treated as such.
It took months of fighting the authorities to get him back, and in the process, they learned that I wasn't even schizo - I'm autistic. I've had a life of being shamed for not acting like everyone else and keeping to myself. The problem in a rural backwater like wrexham is that people model themselves as being 'rugged' and 'uncompromising', as in to say, this place is an echo chamber for every variety of bigotry under the sun. Everyone here is absurdly aggressive and nationalistic. You are not allowed to be an autistic person around these people, you have to dress like them, you have to talk like them, or you'll be targeted.
Family blame me for what the nhs did, they act like my son is their property. They are an abusive family, I have survived them for 32 years and their unending abuse. My 'brother' threatens to rape my girlfriend, nobody listens - that kind of family. I've cut off all contact from them for the last two months, I've been a lot happier for it. Today my 'sister' contacts me, tries to manipulate me into attending some miserable easter get together, constantly adopting that 'parental' tone. They talk to me like the master talks to the slaves. I tell them that isn't how you speak to people with austism, which she then completely denies that I have.
I wrote a book in my teenage years, fantasy. I only recently stopped believing that that world I had invented was real. Can I ever believe that it is not real? Why should my perception of reality be stifled by the petty social concerns of people who sniff their hands when no one is looking? Men are not gods, no matter how much they like looking at their own reflection in the mirror. I think I know more about my own mind than they ever could, and yet they still act like it's their property. For some reason.
If I go in my own garden, right now, I'll get neighbours yelling abuse the moment I step out there. If they see someone who doesn't remind them of themselves, they go on the attack. If I complain about it, people openly mock me. If I tell the police, they treat me with suspicion. How is this fair? I have no quality of life because of the way people are allowed to behave towards me. Post-brexit, this country has gotten even more aggressively stupid.
I tried to get counseling, phone appointments. It was through ty derbyn in wrexham. The lady they set me up with would casually joke about any of the trauma that I mentioned, and she had no working knowledge of autism, so she was worse than useless at her job.
I just want some friends, me and my girlfriend, both of us just want what everyone else is given for free. You know, conversations with people who view each other as equals? Does that even exist? Is that even allowed to?
I made youtube videos before they tried to steal my son. I've not been able to work on anything since I was attacked by the NHS, so I can't upload videos, and as such, I wave no access to community/people, all the friends I have there are only my friends if I constantly upload. I keep trying to get projects finished, I try my best, but I'm a complex being, so it's impossible to put in the effort 100% of the time, especially with the trauma I took on when I was assaulted by the NHS.
What the NHS did has made me think that I'm not allowed to be in public anymore. I'm too afraid to go to doctors/hospitals. How are we supposed to have another child? Will they try to steal our next child from us? Our first son was still born. My second son, they tried to steal, because apparently I was born wrong. What will the NHS do to our third child? Are we even allowed to have a child, or is eugenics the prevailing method of thought? We live in a terrifying and oppressive society, but it's okay for most people, because it's only happening to those of us with such OBVIOUSLY undesirable genetics.
I'm not officially diagnosed autistic yet. Who knows when/if the nhs will get around to that! Let's hope they don't screw it up and just rediagnose me schizo... AGAIN!
As soon as I'm properly diagnosed, I'm going to sue the NHS.
So... wanna get involved with this mess? Ha, not the best advertisement to make friends with, I just want some normality in my life, so I can be a happier person and the best dad that I can be for my boy.