Published on 12, July, 2020
Our 16 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with ASD. She is high functioning, quiet, compliant and academic.
How do we parent her with choosing to opt out of things. Today it's a revision session at school, in the holidays where her friends won't be there. School has been a real trigger for her. She goes everyday but her anxiety increases with school. Should we have stayed firm or offered ways to help ie drive her there etc? In a neurotypical world a teen would also not want to go but we'd make them. Often the thought is worse than the reality.
I've said she doesn't have to go. My husband thinks she is opting out of too much. She will revise at home and hand her phone over during that time.
When do you say yes and when do you say no?
As someone who was an ASD teen being forced to go to GCSE extra curricular revision sessions. Don't force her in this case. If she's anything like me it would only do harm.
Revision sessions work for people who work socially. If you are someone who prefers to work alone they are massively counterproductive and quite possibly adding additional stress and distress in an already fairly pressurised environment. It sounds like you have a system in place to ensure she is doing the work that is appropriate, so why force her to do it in a less pleasant environment.
GCSE was good for me. Not much workload; albeit, back in 1995.
However, A'Level was a real brain-melter for me. I did go to University - to do IT - but didn't have the same grounding on the topic, and ability to research, as those who went to Tech. My brother also went to Tech, to rebuild his life, and ended up doing better at Uni. He now has a project, on the go, with a friend of his.
I would be too much of a lone wolf for social sessions like that; especially at that age. Don't pressurise her.