new to this

Hi there, I joined a few weeks ago, but haven't been able to formulate a post until now. Forgive me if it's not in the right place

I've recently come to realise at the age of 56 that that I am probably autistic. This realisation comes with a sense of relief as I have always been different to others and couldnt understand why, yet has also come as a bit of a surprise as I thought I would have realised earlier.
My grandson may be autistic, so I had been looking up some information. When I did the online AQ test by Simon Baron Cohen, I scored 42 out of 50.(the threshold is 26) I did it again a few months later and scored 46. I then proceeded to do other tests which also showed i am probably autistic.

My obvious traits include stimming: I used to jump on the spot for up to 20 minutes at a time, right up and into my 40s. Also hand flapping and ringing which I still do when I'm alone.
Then there's sensory issues, I can't bear loud noises, sudden noises. People eating crisps near me actually makes me agitated and tearful. My hearing is very acute
My sense of smell is also acute, since I was a child, cigarette smoke has made me vomit, I have a phobia about them.
I cant bear to touch certain fabrics, some days I struggle to find anything comfortable to wear, so tend to wear the same clothes for years. I cant touch old books or cardboard.

I don't like being in Social situations, the thought of going back to my huge call centre is terrifying me. I had adapted well to working from home over the last two years, as there is nobody talking next to me, no bright lights or other upsetting stimuli.

I passed my driving test when i was 23, but hate driving and haven't done so for years I find it too confusing and overwhelming.

Despite masking much of my life, I have never understood things like fashion and an "in crowd" never had a really close friend, absolutely hate change of any kind unless I'm the one who instigates it, I have meltdowns if I feel I'm not being understood or something upsetting has happened outside if my control. Hence, I have severe anxiety which I have never discussed with my GP. I only visit when I have something causing physical pain, as I feel appointments are only for those who need them, and I don't need one.. do I ?

My husband bears witness to all this, and my mum remembers me being a lonely outsider and the jumping and hand flapping.

However, due to my extreme anxiety I am reluctant to make a GP appointment and discuss referral in case I am not believed. That would make my anxiety worse

I just simply cannot commit to making the first step towards possible diagnosis, I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I'm exhausted. and i have probably forgotten to mention many other things too.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. 

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