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Alone in the snow (in March?!)

sunshine_in_the_rain

Hi all,

 

This is my first time in any sort of forum but I am slowly (and I emphaisie the 'slowly') coming to accept that my daughter is not going to ever be like other children and my experiences as a parent will never be what I planned.  So, it seemed to make sense to join a community where the abnormal is the normal and I can carry on pretending that it's not really happening to me.

 

You probably think my daughter is about 4/5 years, but in fact she is 13.5yrs.  Having not been in school since early this academic year (we are waiting for an ASD placement) the reality of what my life is going to be like has hit me like a sledgehammer. 

 

My emotional response seems completely out of all propotion!  Why does it seem okay that i can tell people my daughter has ASD, but if someone in authority says it to me I feel like it's a personal attack?  Not to mention if I see it written down on letters / doctors referrals / school papers I have the desire to burst out into tears.  Surely the fact that her condition is being recognised is positive as I have fought for ten years to have that recognition and yet, somehow, I can't seem to get 'there'.  I feel like I am grieving.

 

Has anyone else experienced this?

Parents

  • Hi - I think every parent on here will have experienced something similar. It does take time to adjust to - you can't rush these things.  There are lots of posts on here about reactions to a diagnosis so have a look if you haven't already.  You'll find you're certainly far from alone, even if you actively fought for a diagnosis, getting it can often be a different matter, seeing it written in black + white can be quite stark. Please don't be too hard on yourself - there's nothing you could have done.  It's got a genetic component, as you'll know.  Your daughter's the same person she always was.  Now you can help her even more.  Sometimes all we can see is the autism, at least initially.  That's how I felt when my son was 1st diagnosed.  Everything he did suddenly had a capital "A" for autism attached to it.  Understanding how autism affects your child as an individual is a good thing.  You've done something that a loving concerned parent would do by getting a diagnosis.  Sometimes autistic children manage to cope in primary mainstream but have significant difficulty in secondary.  Is this what happened with your daughter?  If so, the ASD unit should be of benefit to her educationally + emotionally.   The logical brain + the emotional brain are 2 very different things - at least they are where I'm concerned!  You'll get there in your own time.....don't try to learn everything at once - bit size chunks, as they say.  Loads of support + info on here from people who understand.  

Reply

  • Hi - I think every parent on here will have experienced something similar. It does take time to adjust to - you can't rush these things.  There are lots of posts on here about reactions to a diagnosis so have a look if you haven't already.  You'll find you're certainly far from alone, even if you actively fought for a diagnosis, getting it can often be a different matter, seeing it written in black + white can be quite stark. Please don't be too hard on yourself - there's nothing you could have done.  It's got a genetic component, as you'll know.  Your daughter's the same person she always was.  Now you can help her even more.  Sometimes all we can see is the autism, at least initially.  That's how I felt when my son was 1st diagnosed.  Everything he did suddenly had a capital "A" for autism attached to it.  Understanding how autism affects your child as an individual is a good thing.  You've done something that a loving concerned parent would do by getting a diagnosis.  Sometimes autistic children manage to cope in primary mainstream but have significant difficulty in secondary.  Is this what happened with your daughter?  If so, the ASD unit should be of benefit to her educationally + emotionally.   The logical brain + the emotional brain are 2 very different things - at least they are where I'm concerned!  You'll get there in your own time.....don't try to learn everything at once - bit size chunks, as they say.  Loads of support + info on here from people who understand.  

Children
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