Published on 12, July, 2020
Introducing myself on a particularly bleak day. My son is three and newly diagnosed. He is non-verbal and we’re trying to do PECS.
My son screams. He screams and screams at 5am when he wakes up. He screams when he is told to do something he’d rather not - brushing teeth, stop playing with toys, going to bed. Just high pitched, blood curdling screams.
Please tell me it gets easier. I know my family now have a different path and I’ve come to accept it.
But god, the every day stuff has to get easier. It’s such a joyless grind sometimes.
Would love to hear from other parents who have experienced similar issues. And maybe something optimistic? ️
Thank you for your reply. The community here is very caring towards this new generation of autistic children. I am so sorry your childhood was marred in this way and please believe that I love my son and in no way am trying to punish him for being who he is.
In an ideal world he would be left to scream to his heart’s content but we don’t live in one. He at best, irritates and at worst, enrages others. Yes, of course parents want peace and quiet but we fear for our children and want them to be safe from harm and ridicule. I also have other children who deserve to grow up in a peaceful household.
I will explore therapies available to us and hope for something to address his anxieties and those of my family.
Hi
I would advice caution when dealing with things ABA based, like the method decribed here
Catlover said:I did a google search, and found this https://autismchaostocalm.com/how-i-reduced-screaming-and-verbal-stimming-in-my-child-with-autism/
During my time on this forum I read many negative comments about those methods applied on autistic children. Something similar was done to me, my parents chose peace and quiet over me, and I am still unable, at 42, to deal with aftereffects of that trauma.
But
After countless hours spent searching for websites about autistic, I was lucky to find one last week that is not written by doctors, or other non autistic people.
https://autistic-village.com/2021/09/02/skills-for-learning-the-autistic-way/
by autistic and about autistic based on their experiences. I am still reading through it but at last something meaningful. Websites made by doctors, or other non autistic people contain only observations, without insight on what is actually happening inside our heads, and no 3 year old is going to be able to explain that to you.
So
Here is what I found about ABA on that website
And
I would say there are countless reasons why he might be doing it, you did not provide enough details to be able to even guess. It might be reaction to an oversensitive sense, or part of learning process he developed in his attempts to speak if he has, like me, speech and/or sound recognition problems, when brain does not process it correctly
I would contact people from autistic village, but surely more details will be neccessary.
Thanks for the practical advice. Would be so good to hear from parents with a similar situation to mine though.
Perhaps he is stimming? And it’s his way of some form of relapse that just pops out? I don’t know. I would assume that you can change this behaviour in the future. Hopefully you can get some guidance from a professional?
I did a google search, and found this https://autismchaostocalm.com/how-i-reduced-screaming-and-verbal-stimming-in-my-child-with-autism/
I’m not suggesting you do this, but it is an interesting read. Hopefully someone else has some positive pointers for you.
Some of these things could be sensory related like the teeth brushing my daughter absolutely hate the taste of toothpaste and if he can't tell you he will just scream it could also be that he doesn't like the feel of the toothbrush I am also going through this now I have 3 children with autism 16 11 and 2 they are all completely different unfortunately it gets harder as they get older my 16 year old is really bad lately
Maybe try teach him about the loud voice and the quiet voice. Or turn the things he needs to do into a game. My nephew around that age didn't like brushing his teeth, and would cry very loudly. So I tried to do this game with him, where I smiled and over emphasized brushing my teeth, while his mother tried to brush his teeth. It was sort of working with a bit of back lash, but after a few times, he learned to calm down and allow his mom to brush his teeth while he played with a toy in his hand.
If a child cries or seems anxious, I'll just try to do the activity with them, so they can follow along and learn to enjoy the activity.
Nope were hell in our teens then as an adult its more confusion more problems if it's any consolation though now as an adult I still feel a great deal of guilt for what I must of put my parents through as a child growing up with ASD.