Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a child who is potentially autistic. My child does not have patience when it comes to doing things that are not interesting, or my child sees something they want. My child just goes to the object, or wanders of thinking this is great. I have to go after my child.
I have tried explaining which does not work. I have tried using visuals which doesn't work. When I use visuals my child just throws it away like it's a piece of paper. My child just sees something, goes for it and nothing else matters.
My child can follow instructions, can do any educational work when on their terms, so I can't understand why my child has no patience.
Any help would be appreciated please
Apologies for being a bit pragmatic, but patience is a virtue. Meaning, something which takes years of mindfulness and discipline to acquire. No child has patience :). I'm trying to think of another word but diligence and intense focus and mindful care... these are all adult things.
Following instructions and educational work is amazing. We all have strengths and weaknesses. For autistic children these can be driven by being lost in ones imagination, confusing social signals if there's not any specific up front warning or instruction, being impacted intensely by a thing they connect with.
Most children can have difficulty doing a thing they don't like. I don't know how old yours is, what these sort of things are or what specifically they are connecting with.
Being over-articulate is incredibly important for us. It helps us understand. Connexion is incredibly important to us. In fact, being dictated at or instructed and left alone to do a thing can be incredibly hurtful. If you do a thing with us, eventually we may assert agency and ask to do it ourselves, but it makes us feel unimportant and isolated if we're just given a commandment and left alone.
We're good with upfront instructions / negotiations. If we go to the store, I might tell my son (or myself) in advance what we need and that I won't be able to buy anything extra. You may look at the toys but we cannot take any of them. Or we don't have to look at them if it's too much. Which would you like? And then a pleasant reminder. These sort of walking someone though a thing is really helpful - holding their hand through the process. If anything, it takes a great deal of patience, not from your child, but from us as parents. Mindful, up front reasoning in detail through and with. Always start with forming a connexion with something less interesting and see if that helps.