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Partner of an autistic adult

NAS75509
over 3 years ago

Hi. Slightly scared of being here as I’ve always been someone who can find a solution to everything but getting to the point where I don’t know any more how to deal with my autistic partner’s daily challenges.  We are now at a situation where he 24/7 cannot cope with any aspect of everyday life & even the slightest thing can result in hours of physical & verbal aggression. We have virtually no time each week when he is not in a heightened state of anger, annoyance or frustration. We agreed 2 years ago that I would keep working and he could just be at home because work was a massive trigger for him, but for the last 12 months me working has been a further trigger for him.   I know that the physical aggression isn’t intentional but has got to the point over recent months that it has caused obvious physical injury & emotional pain.  His anger has become worse since he was refused PIP 3 years ago because he is more highly functional than he will give himself credit for.   Any support or insight appreciated as I’m getting to point where I genuinely don’t know what to do for the best. 

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. You clearly love him and have been trying to make it work. It sounds like a very complex and stressful situation and you must be feeling very low. DV is not acceptable, no matter what. Can you find some autism-specific  professional help/ psychotherapy - try hard to regulate himself- find strategies to prevent him causing harm when triggered. Is there any chance the decline could be caused by a health problem/ deficiency/ lack of vitD /b12/iron/ magnesium, or an intolerance: gluten/ dairy? My digestive system packed in through stress and dairy and gluten made me very angry ! Sounds strange but even if I eat it now, I get so ratty about two hours later - especially gluten. As you explore avenues of support for both yourself and your husband, I wish you the very best. Take care of of yourself, and find support please. 

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. You clearly love him and have been trying to make it work. It sounds like a very complex and stressful situation and you must be feeling very low. DV is not acceptable, no matter what. Can you find some autism-specific  professional help/ psychotherapy - try hard to regulate himself- find strategies to prevent him causing harm when triggered. Is there any chance the decline could be caused by a health problem/ deficiency/ lack of vitD /b12/iron/ magnesium, or an intolerance: gluten/ dairy? My digestive system packed in through stress and dairy and gluten made me very angry ! Sounds strange but even if I eat it now, I get so ratty about two hours later - especially gluten. As you explore avenues of support for both yourself and your husband, I wish you the very best. Take care of of yourself, and find support please. 

Children