Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. Slightly scared of being here as I’ve always been someone who can find a solution to everything but getting to the point where I don’t know any more how to deal with my autistic partner’s daily challenges. We are now at a situation where he 24/7 cannot cope with any aspect of everyday life & even the slightest thing can result in hours of physical & verbal aggression. We have virtually no time each week when he is not in a heightened state of anger, annoyance or frustration. We agreed 2 years ago that I would keep working and he could just be at home because work was a massive trigger for him, but for the last 12 months me working has been a further trigger for him. I know that the physical aggression isn’t intentional but has got to the point over recent months that it has caused obvious physical injury & emotional pain. His anger has become worse since he was refused PIP 3 years ago because he is more highly functional than he will give himself credit for. Any support or insight appreciated as I’m getting to point where I genuinely don’t know what to do for the best.
If you're working all the time, and come home to an abusive person, that's not something you should have to put up with. I'm not sure what you mean by saying that "physical aggression is not intentional," because I'm sure that when someone who's supposed to loves you, is doing something that would otherwise be reserved for someone they hate, like hitting you, it's not usually a good sign. I mean a good exercise is to think of your situation from the perspective of a friend. If you heard your friend going through this, what would you think?
I mean I've had a 5 year gap of unemployment due to health issues, but I didn't attack my hard working partner over it, and I still paid half the rent from the money I saved up from the previous job. I had physical and mental health issues, and my partner was so angry at me that they were ready to leave me due to the financial and personal stress and worry, but I luckily found the cause, and the health issues went away, and I felt so much better, so I started working again. But I'm a mild mannered person who tries to find solutions. I'm not one to use physical aggression and then claim that it was unintentional.
Is there no type of work he can do from home? I mean, maybe like in writing blogs, journslism, transcription work, computer coding, artwork, adding subtitles, editing videos, voiceovers, like anything? Also there are a bunch of online courses on the computer to learn at least something, get certified, and then have better job prospects and skills added to his resume.
You can only help someone so much. I mean you're already working and paying for everything. If he does not try to do something to improve himself, then maybe you should split up and live on your own, and he should just move back in with his parents. I mean from your end of things, you'll probably be more happier coming home to just relax in a quiet setting, rather than coming home knowing that you'll just get yelled at and abused.