Depression and Anxiety

I am in a bad way some days, not others, which more often than not leaves me wondering just where I am up to and even who I am. I wake up in the mornings physically shaking, sweating and cold all at the same time, I sometimes even find it hard to breathe. I feel as though I am falling into some part of myself I cannot come back from. I have been taking Antidepressants for years to cope with feelings of Depression and worthlessness, but have recently had to add in ant-Anxiety meds because of Panic Attacks which can otherwise last days.

I made it through Lockdown alright, but when everything restarted I went back to looking for jobs as per Universal Credit-and found out the hard way what a bad idea that was. I signed up to Recruitment Agencies-and started getting calls left and right about potential jobs starting the next day. I need time to do an Application, to look it up, fill out and make sure what I'm signing up for is right for me. I've been in too many situations where it's not, so this is very important to me. Some of the jobs were horribly inappropriate due to the fact I have to deal with Depression, Anxiety and Aspergers Syndrome, but they were all "work", so...

I could not stand having anything and everything tossed at me, but had no easy way to explain this. Long story short: I started suffering severely from Anxiety and Depression, to the point my feelings and thoughts turned Suicidal in a desperation attempt to make this all stop. I reached out to an old friend who once helped me find work and Counselled me, who instructed me to shut down any and all attempts by Recruitment Agencies to "help" me, get a Fit Note to get the UC people off my back for at least a while-and find work in a place with a supportive atmosphere and staff, even on a voluntary basis.

I have, I feel somewhat better now as a result. But I still wake up in the morning shaking, shivering and sweating, barely able to focus and so desperate it takes medication and half the day to calm down. I have to stay on guard against Depression and Anxiety all day long, which is exhausting and extremely stressful, often have both creep up on me at the worst time and have terrible trouble thinking about anything else. I can distract myself from the problems I am having, but not all day long. I can talk about the issues with people who I think can help, but it doesn't deal with the problems themselves. I have real trouble relaxing, to the point I am not sure I really can.

I feel as though I am standing on a cliff edge, permanently, trying to deal with something I cannot on my own before it cuts away my mental health. Even sitting writing this now isn't easy.

I have made contact with Mind and believe that they will be able to help, but am open to suggestions. Thoughts?