Hi everyone.
My hubby was unofficially diagonsed with Aspergers a few months ago. As i've read on many forums the official diagnosis is a nightmare to get but i'm happy with this unofficial diagnosis as it so abviously is Asperger's, that the G.P's diagnosis is good enough for me.
For many years we have had problems in our marriage and a few moths ago came close to splitting up. Basically all i can say is it feels like i live with an unemotional lodger. I do everything. I go to work, i cook, clean, sort bills, car/home insurance, DIY, book holidays, and have to remind him about everything...........oh except football!!!. If we have a leaky roof it would leak and leak until it fell through if i didn't sort it. Don't get me wrong he will contribute but it is usually if i ask him to so many times i feel like screaming, even something small as washing the car (which is filthy by the way). I feel emotionally and physically drained. The diagnosis did explain a lot. For instance when my died died very suddenly 2 years ago aged 61 my hubby went to work the day after! This hurt me a lot and still does so i try not to dwell on it. If i hurt myself i'm told not to be so soft. If i'm really tired i don't get any sympathy. He doesn't have many friends, never rings or visits his parents. Doesn't speak to my mum (doesn't see the need) and comes across as very rude and aloof. She has said as much in the past. The worst thing about this is i am a very bubbly person. i've suffered with depression for many years, yet few of my friends would ever guess (or know). I suppose i have had to soldier on when at times i have felt like disappearing.We don't have children as i couldn't stand the thought that he would be the same with them as he is with me, if not worse. Don't get me wrong it's not all bad. He is a lovely hardworking (at work) man who if i asked him would do anything for me, i'm just struggling with it being like a parent/child relationship. I wish he would just do something without me asking. Even something small as put his ironing away. He said he has known something wasn't right for many years and understands it upsets me but as we know the Asperger's takes over the realism of everyday life. I get so envious of friends whose husbands take charge of things that men (usually) do in the relationship.
Since the diagnosis he has told his close family as his dad is exactly the same and as it's hereditary it seems that is where he has got it from. This has been a relief to his mum somewhat as it explains a lot for her. I have told a handful of friends as he didn't want to tell people. He is coming round to the idea of telling more as i feel that if they know we will get the support and the miserable, quiet person he comes across at times will obviously be replaced with the realisation that it is Asperger's. I feel a bit upset though because now these family/friends know i never get a phone call or text to see how i am or to go out for tea for a break. It's probably my fault with seeming to cope but i'm a caring person and put myself out for people and have done over the years yet got nothing back. I know i shouldn't feel like this as everyone has their own problems. Sorry to witter on. It's just i've been crying all morning (i'm off work today annual leave) and had to do a few DIY jobs that i asked him to do, as well as cleaning, washing etc. Not so much as a day off!..Thanks for listening. Just writing this down has helped loads.
