Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
My name is Josh. I am 25.I have a very bad stutter, I have since I could first speak. I also have social anxiety. I have always attributed my problems socially to those 2 problems.
I am intelligent, I have a first class degree in Computer Science. I have been out of work and study for 3-4 years now. I quit my job as a software Engineer because I found it over whelming.
I have become a recluse, I do not go out and I have no friends. I have no desire to change, but I know my lifestyle is damaging my future.
I have interacted with other people who stutter, through a course I went on. They were able to maintain a career and even have relationships.
I have never been able to do these things, and I started to wonder maybe I have more issues than just stuttering/anxiety. I spoke to my Mum about possibly having Autism, she thinks I do share traits with an Autism diagnosis. I spoke to my GP about it, and they have referred me to have an assessment for autism.
I am worried, because when I speak about my Autism symptoms, I feel like I am faking it. I feel like I am trying to con them into thinking I have autism. It's a really horrible feeling.I have always had a really hard time, fitting in. I never had friends at school or university. I find social interactions very overwhelming and I have a tenancy to isolate myself. I went through all of university not speaking to anyone except my flatmate.
An autism diagnosis does make a lot of sense, it would explain a lot of my struggles in life. But I am also worried, my stutter and anxiety have create autism like symptoms even though I am not autistic.
I am worried if I am diagnosed. That I won't be able to get a job again in the future. I am sorry if this is hard to read, I havnt slept and I just got home from the GP. I hope someone who knows a lot about autism reads this, and can understand my perspective.
Thank you very much for reading,
Josh
Hi Josh,
My son is 25, he deals with these kinds of doubts.
First of all, if you'd like a little encouragement on what an engineer with a stutter can make for himself (who is probably autistic - at least does seem this way), check out chaseblissaudio on Instagram (or his youtube page). www.instagram.com/.../ Joel, who started this company is one of the most interesting and coolest humans I've ever met, add he's literally worshipped by guitar players.
There are so many jobs you can get with your degree and from what I understand many companies might actually favour hiring autistic individuals because certain qualities tend to be innate. The world is a mix of kindness and cruelty. Finding good people is actually an art most of us can learn how to navigate.
I would suggest do as much research on Autism as you can. The more you understand about what is specifically autistic and what is neurotypical, the better equipped you will be to understand where you feel you resonate. Knowledge is key.
Most likely as Paul from Aspergers from the Inside on YouTube suggests, most of us spend our lives being dismissed, disregarded, not believed or even told we're lying/not being truthful. There are many reasons for this as how Neurotypical individuals communicate is quite different and many times involves a strategy to dominate another. This is not typical for Autists. So it may even be good to work out first what is Trauma vs. your underlying Autistic self, if deep down, you feel you've found something which resonates with who you are and how you operate as being human. Are you autistic? www.youtube.com/watch
I recommend this woman to everyone. www.instagram.com/.../
Autism and Visual Thinking (Scientfic Research) www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../