First time talking about this

Hello, 

I am not diagnosed but I believe I am autistic. All my life I have struggled with friendships. But as a child growing up in a family of 9 children I was not expected to make friends outside of my family. At school I struggled and was bullied but I was very ill for a year so never caught up and was then labelled as having a learning disability. I couldn’t wait to leave school eventually studied to be a nurse and then study for a degree in psychology. I hated uni. Again because of the social aspect but work has always been ok because expectations being clear of what to do and conversation with people was always about work. Now I am retired, married and have a child with autism. I am so lonely. I have people all around me but struggle so much . I avoid contact because it makes me so anxious and I always get it wrong.