I hate introductions; let's just have sex

Hello. I am ugly. I look like a hobo; a troglodyte; a "B" movie monster--- but without the pay. I have no money. Let me see a show of hands of the people who want to date me.....

{five seconds pass; ten seconds....}

Hum. Anyone out there? Anyone?

Otch, well. I seem to have the same luck in the imaginary world than I have in Real Life. Since nights of passion and ecstasy appears to be off the table, I suppose an introduction must suffice.

I am ugly. I look like a.....

Oh, wait: I did that part already.

For the past 20.4 years I have been ranch hand on a cattle ranch located in the lonely canyon lands of Northern New Mexico. Perhaps you can imagine what this has done to my love life.

David! Stop doing that!

Oops. Sorry. Where was I? Oh: in New Mexico, living and working on a woman-less cattle ranch, north of Santa Fe. I am surrounded by sandstone cliffs, down here on the canyon floor, among ancient Gallina Phase ruins. These were a collection of Rosa pueblo people who lived here about 700 to 88 years ago. I presume they had women here way back then, which is why I wish I had been born long ago.

I do the usual ranch hand things: hammer my thumb instead of nail; run terrified away from Cow Number Fourteen, who appears to love the taste of human flesh; how beans in the blistering sun, then fall on my face due to dehydration; die each night of loneliness because I am once again alone with no woman to...

Okay, okay. You do not need to know that part.

Before coming to the ranch I lived in a cave for 29 months, alone, because there are not many women who wish to live in caves these days. Yes: really. I wrote a popular memoir about the "adventure."

Before then I delivered boats around the planet for lazy boat owners who did not want to face death going places.

Before then I worked in Information Technology for 12 years, for a heartless international corporation that had plenty of women stomping around, but none of them found me worthy of sharing her life with me.

Because I'm ugly. And I look like a troglodyte.

Parents Reply Children
  • Gosh, that brings my recall of when (five years ago) I went to The Cowgirl in Santa Fe on Monday so that I could Karaoke (yes, really) and while I was waiting for my name to be called a woman walked to me and told me I have a fine smile. I assumed she was a whore, so I moved away from her. It was inconceivable that she would not be. I still think she was working.

  • ah crud.... i fail on all of that... i dont even think i do smile at all, infact im sure my face is paralysed and incapable of showing any emotion of change of shape haha

  • dont prostitute yourself then, prostitute others. all you need is cash lol
    i mean if you only want sex its there for the taking depending on the cost. i guess alot of girls these days will be cheap given how diluted the market is.

  • To be honest, these days, it may be more cost effective and rewarding to just pay for what you want, when you want it.

    My self-respect cannot and will not prostitute myself.

  • these days the key is money.

    I have found, with my little experience, that it is not money that attracts the women I prefer: it is physical attraction that comes first. The studies and polls on the subject agree with me.

    The most frequently chosen traits that were desirable in a long-term partner were an attractive smile, attractive eyes, average breasts, an average buttocks, and long hair, respectively. Average breasts, large breasts, and then small breasts were selected as desirable, in that order.

    Ideal Partner Survey

  • To be honest, these days, it may be more cost effective and rewarding to just pay for what you want, when you want it.