I'm undiagnosed, and have questions about diagnosis

I was diagnosed mid thirties female earlier this year. The diagnosis has helped massively in understanding myself and quite often now I can "let things go" as it's just the way I am. I had my assessment while I was undergoing a course of CBT (separately). I told the therapist at the start I suspected I was AS and it was taken into consideration.  I had group CBT a few years ago which made me worse. Go with a one to one course of treatment and it should be more flexible.  

I'm at the stage where I'm less anxious because strategies learnt in CBT and being more accepting of who I am. Regarding functioning well, I feel this gets worse as I get older and this is something I actually need help with (things I CAN change).

Other than post diagnosis feedback and a very detailed report I haven't had any support. I can reflect and analyse well which helps but need to access some more talking therapies at some point. 

Regarding losing friends this way, I've read many times its common for this to happen although with me I work hard to maintain my friendships; I don't like confrontation so can be quite passive. I've managed to filter out the people in my life I don't like anyway.

I often wondered myself if it was social anxiety.  Now I understand it's more of a processing issue. The difficulties happen even when I'm feeling very comfortable or confident in a social situation. My brain works so quickly to compensate that no one other than me notices. This is probably what masking is. 

I've edited this thread because I realised I hadn't addressed some of the issues you raised.

Good resources: Sarah Hendrickx books / youtube and Yo Samdy Sam on youtube.

Hi Out_of_step,

Thanks very much for your reply and for describing some of your journey after diagnosis.  It sounds as though the therapy that you've had so far hasn't been specialised for autism, but has helped you to accept yourself and deal with anxiety.  It's good to hear that it has worked well so far.

Thanks for the book and YouTube recommendations.

If you're comfortable talking about this, I'd be interested to know what you mean by it being a processing issue rather than social anxiety?  

I'm not an expert in anything.  This is coming from my own thoughts and analysis. In my assessment it was discussed that often when I was asked a question, they'd notice I'd be thinking for a while, and we said together it was because I needed to listen to what was said, think about what was asked and come up with a response. It was also discussed in one of the tasks, I was logically working out the story rather than having a feel for it. I

It's become clear through my assessment there's difficulty with "shifting through the gears" and this may be applied possibly not just to tasks but conversation also.

E.g. Meeting friends just after lockdown, so there were myself and 3 others. I have no sense of anxiety seeing these friends. It was usually just one convo going but people dibbng in and out so topics or themes would change quite quickly. I think for me, it requires extra effort to notice and follow these changes, or there's a bit of a delay.  I think this is why in past situations when I've contributed it's been a bit off key on occasions because i havent kept up. This is despite intense concentration and listening. When we meet up with their baby, it's even more difficult because the interactions change so suddenly and are often incomplete. I don't know where I stand. I was exhausted for the rest of the day after they left last time. 

E.g. informally chatting to a colleague last week. Again no anxiety but had difficulty shifting through the gears of what he was saying to the point where it was my turn to speak and I felt like my brain had momentarily stopped because there was too much to think about. It felt like when you grind the gears in your car when the clutch isn't down properly.

Of course,  if there's social anxiety there may be a delay going on because the brain is tied up with fight or flight. But I'm trying to say this difficulty happens even if I do not have any sense of anxiety. I feel that for non AS people who have social anxiety, there's still a certain level of intuition which I don't have. 

I have observed people who are shy and they still "get it". I've observed people who are introverted and they still "get it". I have observed people whose first language is not English and they still "get it". 

I remember in some other interaction recently, I made a "leap of faith" connecting something together. This felt unnatural and required effort but paid off in the end. I feel non AS people make these leaps more easily because these people are more intuitive.

I hope my account makes sense and is helpful. Sorry it's a bit long!

Its interesting yo hear aboyt different exoerirnces because, although there are common themes, its different for every body. There are many things which I never was aware of until I started reading about AS.

Hi Out_of_step,

Thanks for taking the time to describe some situations where you've noticed difficulties shifting gears.  It's fascinating and interesting for me to hear about other people's experiences.  I haven't experienced this specific issue, but have had other problems which seem to fit closely with Asperger's symptoms.

Hi Out_of_step,

Thanks for taking the time to describe some situations where you've noticed difficulties shifting gears.  It's fascinating and interesting for me to hear about other people's experiences.  I haven't experienced this specific issue, but have had other problems which seem to fit closely with Asperger's symptoms.

Its interesting yo hear aboyt different exoerirnces because, although there are common themes, its different for every body. There are many things which I never was aware of until I started reading about AS.