Published on 12, July, 2020
I don’t have a diagnosis, but my husband is sure I am ‘on the spectrum’. We love each other dearly, but he’s had to teach me how to interact with him, and it’s still not second nature for me after many years.
I have a loooong list of psychiatric diagnoses and am a complete outsider. I’ve never really had a job and desperately want friends, but I don’t know what to do or say and get really anxious. My husband has secondary progressive multiple sclerosis and because of this and my problems we’ve been totally isolated for ten years. We both want to do something about this, but how do I explain to people I’ve been in self-imposed exile for a decade without freaking them out...and I don’t know (or want to know) anything about ‘Love Island’ or anything ‘normal’. We both like gaming and my husband recently bought me a chemistry set, a ‘grow-your-own’ mushroom box and a membership to the British Mycological Society. I’m a 40-something woman. These gifts were perfect for me, but, again, I think if I mentioned this to someone else they would think us both odd.
I don’t know whether seeking a diagnosis would be of any use, but I’m just looking for...My Tribe? Life advice?
Hi Eliot
If you're looking to build a social life, just look back at all of the things you used to love as a child and find the grown-up version of it - you will find people involved will be on your wavelength. For example, if you like Lego, there's the Brickish association. If you're into history, there's loads of re-enactment groups and local history groups.
I wouldn't worry about not having an 'acceptable' back-story - most of these groups will be stuffed with ND people so we tend to be interested in your brain rather than your status.
There's also Meetup.com - it's a low-pressure social scene where people who want company post a meeting - like a pub evening or 10-pin bowling or a walk or a picnic - for people to sign up for. You have no pressure to join in or be the life and soul. I have a few quiet people who come along to my events - sometimes they join in, sometimes not - but at least they are out of the house and in an accepting group where they can choose to take part if they feel like it.
Most hosts will introduce you and metaphorically hold your hand if you're nervous. I normally sit next to a nervous newby so the conversation hits me - just near them - so they feel much more included - wingman-ish.
Obviously, "20-somethings looking for fun" might not suit you but a local lunchtime 'coffee & cake' meet may be more your thing.