Hello

Hi! I’m new here. I found this forum when I was searching for a place with people who have similar experiences. 

I’m a 29 year old girl and I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 12. I also have OCD, panic disorder and GAD. It makes life very difficult. I’ve become very good at masking and have a regular job and relationships, but I feel like it’s getting worse lately. I came off my meds about 5 years ago. Up until that point I thought I was fine. Now everyday I’m spiraling and just exhausted trying to keep myself in check. Everything is overwhelming. Having a conversation, doing simple tasks, the lights overhead, loud sounds, everything. I go to work because I feel obligated, and though they’re very kind and accepting of me, I don’t feel like I fit in and that the work is too much. I don’t take enjoyment in any of my hobbies anymore. Everything makes me anxious. I’m terrified of medication so I don’t want to go back on them. I’ve found myself developing stimming behaviors in recent years and have developed an issue with food if I don’t deem it “safe”. 

I was just wondering if there was anyone like me out there. I’m upset that I’m like this. I wasn’t like this before. I feel like I’m driving my neurotypical boyfriend crazy and that I’m inhibiting my personal career growth. I feel really sad and like I hate myself because I can’t control my behaviors, thoughts and feelings.