Hi Im new to this and I am looking for help and advice about aspergers, my boyfriend has it and we tend to have alot of arguments, I was wondering if this may be linked with his aspergers and ADHD, because he always seems to say he dont know why he does or says certain things to me. I need advice.
Hi Emb93,
I have Aspergers and have argued with my (NT) girlfriend over the past 12 years. Since getting a diagnosis things have got better as there are lots of books and resources out there that make alot of sense. Misunderstandings are less now and therefore arguments are less. I still sometimes don't understand and wrongly interperit my girlfirends mood and vice versa but we are now more likely to check verbaly and be clearer about how we feel.
I need alot of time to myself and need to do things cretain ways. This can be interpreted as rejection and over controling by my partner. She can also feel isolated because of my lack of interest in socialising and having people top the house. From reaing up on the subject she feels less bad about it. There is alot greater understanding and that helps reduce the misunderstandings and therfore the arguments.
We still get it wrong though. I mix up feelings and moods and can't always ientify the cause or the nature of how I am feeling. I don't express how I am feeling and then it might all kick off. ....... but kn the whole things are better.
Have alook on Amazon at some of the books:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698
is a good starting point. There are others that are more specific for couples (mostly by NT's and biased towards maybe).
good luck, and hopefully with understanding then arguments won't occur as much. Your boyfirend may also be finding other aspects of his life a challenge so if he has a happier relationship with you then you will be both be in a better position to address these other things. In turn he will be happier (with less anxiety) and you will be happier. Yep, this is simplified and making assumptions based on my own experience but hopefully it will make some sense.
Hi Emb93,
I have Aspergers and have argued with my (NT) girlfriend over the past 12 years. Since getting a diagnosis things have got better as there are lots of books and resources out there that make alot of sense. Misunderstandings are less now and therefore arguments are less. I still sometimes don't understand and wrongly interperit my girlfirends mood and vice versa but we are now more likely to check verbaly and be clearer about how we feel.
I need alot of time to myself and need to do things cretain ways. This can be interpreted as rejection and over controling by my partner. She can also feel isolated because of my lack of interest in socialising and having people top the house. From reaing up on the subject she feels less bad about it. There is alot greater understanding and that helps reduce the misunderstandings and therfore the arguments.
We still get it wrong though. I mix up feelings and moods and can't always ientify the cause or the nature of how I am feeling. I don't express how I am feeling and then it might all kick off. ....... but kn the whole things are better.
Have alook on Amazon at some of the books:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698
is a good starting point. There are others that are more specific for couples (mostly by NT's and biased towards maybe).
good luck, and hopefully with understanding then arguments won't occur as much. Your boyfirend may also be finding other aspects of his life a challenge so if he has a happier relationship with you then you will be both be in a better position to address these other things. In turn he will be happier (with less anxiety) and you will be happier. Yep, this is simplified and making assumptions based on my own experience but hopefully it will make some sense.
