Greetings!

Hello!

I am brand new to this community and semi-new to forums in general - being a little autistic myself it has always been difficult knowing how to start and what the rules are and how to interact with people once there. I'm hoping this is a good place to find understanding people! 

I did not realise I was autistic until a few years ago when my brother's girlfriend suggested I might be, and at first I laughed at her... And then realised that actually she's totally right. I am a Social Masking Expert by now (there should be a badge for that) so most people who I have "come out" to say they would never have been able to tell, but then there are days when my brain breaks and I'm not able to cope with anything and lose any ability to Words.

I also have the honour of having a super-Aspie partner... with a catch. He doesn't know he's autistic and the only time I tried to suggest it overtly he went into shutdown so I haven't dared bring it up again. Most of the time he's the funniest, smartest, kindest person I know, and then there are bad days when his wonky head knocks my head wonky and we both end up making each other worse. I think it would make it so much easier for him to know where his reactions are coming from, but he's so resistant to labels and talking about his "deep self" that I don't want to hurt him by talking about it. The weird thing is, his dad is absolutely the same and his mum (who works with autistic children) doesn't seem to realise either of them are quite so far along the spectrum!

I reached a point where I just need to find some understanding people, because I am not good at friends and often feel like I have no one to talk to. When my partner is on a bad day it makes me feel very, very alone... but then he'll apologise and be so guilty and sweet and I'll go back to thinking that everything is wonderful... until the next time it happens. 

So please be kind to me and let me know if there's anyone else out there in a similar boat.

Light and peace!

B

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