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Introducing myself and asking for your advice/help

IHCKwaks
over 4 years ago

Hi everyone,

My name is Iris, and I’m in a relationship with an 18 year old boy who was diagnosed with autism and ADD/ADHD at a young age. 

I’m trying to learn as much as I can about autism and I was wondering what kind of sources you use to learn more about autism. Are there any good ted talks, podcasts or books or anything of the sort that you might be good for me to read?
I have found it very useful to be able to use theory I read in books to ask my boyfriend questions to better be able to understand how it all works for him.

One thing that we struggle with that I fear I cannot find in a book is how I can properly make plans with him. He needs his space because if we spend too much time together it makes him feel “trapped” and he feels the need to “be able to do his own thing” (I’m quoting him). I want to give him his space, it’s not a problem for me but I fear he doesn’t always take the space he needs.

I like spending time with him, he likes spending time with me too but he can only do so if he knows that we’re going to do something together and if he doesn’t need space at that particular time.

I hope you guys might have some tips for me, I’m happy to be part of this community and I hope to learn a lot from all of you 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hey! That's sweet that you are putting this effort in, I hope he appreciates it.

    Specifically for the arrangements situation... I am not sure how long you have been seeing each other but I assume not very long? I expect that with a little time you will work out a routine that hopefully works for both of you (ie. not too much for him, not too little for you?) Do you find you ask him out/in or suggest to do things more than he does? What if he made or  suggested the arrangements he is comfortable with instead?

    For some general info on autism/living with autism I have found this video series quite informative but also pleasant to watch. A few different topics addressed and it's easier to browse through content. (Sorry I know next to nothing about ADHD! Hopefully others can chip in).
    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAoYMFsyj_k1ApNj_QUkNgKC1R5F9bVHs

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    Hey! That's sweet that you are putting this effort in, I hope he appreciates it.

    Specifically for the arrangements situation... I am not sure how long you have been seeing each other but I assume not very long? I expect that with a little time you will work out a routine that hopefully works for both of you (ie. not too much for him, not too little for you?) Do you find you ask him out/in or suggest to do things more than he does? What if he made or  suggested the arrangements he is comfortable with instead?

    For some general info on autism/living with autism I have found this video series quite informative but also pleasant to watch. A few different topics addressed and it's easier to browse through content. (Sorry I know next to nothing about ADHD! Hopefully others can chip in).
    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAoYMFsyj_k1ApNj_QUkNgKC1R5F9bVHs

Children
  • over 4 years ago in reply to moths

    Hi Moths, 

    We’ve been together for 10 months now, we took a break for a month and are now back together again. 

    I tend to want to see him more often, he likes seeing me about once a week. The problem that we seem to have is that he doesn’t want to plan too much because then spending time with me feels like an obligation to him, at the same time I can’t just pop up unannounced. 

    we went to therapy together which was really useful, what we’re currently trying is to let him “look me up” so if he wants to spend time with me I let him decide when it happens and since he does like hugs I also let him decide when we do and do not have physical contact. 

    thank you for the link, I’ll be sure to take a look!