Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
My name is Iris, and I’m in a relationship with an 18 year old boy who was diagnosed with autism and ADD/ADHD at a young age.
I’m trying to learn as much as I can about autism and I was wondering what kind of sources you use to learn more about autism. Are there any good ted talks, podcasts or books or anything of the sort that you might be good for me to read? I have found it very useful to be able to use theory I read in books to ask my boyfriend questions to better be able to understand how it all works for him.
One thing that we struggle with that I fear I cannot find in a book is how I can properly make plans with him. He needs his space because if we spend too much time together it makes him feel “trapped” and he feels the need to “be able to do his own thing” (I’m quoting him). I want to give him his space, it’s not a problem for me but I fear he doesn’t always take the space he needs.
I like spending time with him, he likes spending time with me too but he can only do so if he knows that we’re going to do something together and if he doesn’t need space at that particular time.
I hope you guys might have some tips for me, I’m happy to be part of this community and I hope to learn a lot from all of you
I dint want to sound too much of a critic when it comes to your approaches because I admire the fact you are trying but by its very nature, autism is very different person to person, so not only do we all have different traits, we all have different ways of managing these. Even where two people share a trait, the way they learn to function with this may be poles apart from one another. Therefore your boyfriend is your best resource - just be patient with him because it’s not easy to open up and talk about such issues for some. But genuinely the more you understand about him as an individual, the easier it will become :)
Hi Anthony,
You’re right, he is the best resource. He says it isn’t a problem for him to talk about how it all works for him. For someone who is not autistic it’s just very hard to have an idea of what you want to ask questions about. That’s why I also try to get information from other sources.
That’s understandable, maybe create a plan for yourself - so pick a trait which you’ve noticed and chat with him to understand how it affects him and what support (if any) he’d like around that. I appreciate it’s sometimes difficult finding the right questions but if he’s open As you say and you are close hopefully it will feel more like a conversation than an interrogation so will hopefully flow much more naturally.