newly diagnosed 20 years too late- and I'm confused.

Hi everyone. I'm 20 years old and have just been diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers).

I have never been 'normal'. I'm too clever and capable while also totally socially inept. I've had meltdowns all my life. I often regress into a younger version of myself and loose my communication if I am anxious. I can't deal with change or new situations. I flap and stim. I had a dummy and sucked my thumb until I was 12. My senses are crazy heightened, the way I see the world is different and this has always been the case. Why. Why when its soooo obvious - Why did no-one 'see' me? 

I deserve an oscar for my masking skills, but I wasn't always this good. Before the teasing and berating from my family about my 'stupid, silly, childish' behaviour (e.g. stimming, having meltdowns, my 'baby voice') I was just weird quirky little me. How did the teachers miss it? How did GPs etc miss it?

I don't really understand- I feel confused and frustrated and sad and angry. I have managed to cope with some incredible trials, that perhaps if I'd been diagnosed I wouldn't have managed, purely due to not building up the survival skills. But I don't want to live my life 'coping'. And genuinely- that is an accurate representation- coping, copying and pasting, imitating, surviving. 

Anyone have some advice? Resources you think I may find helpful? Gone through a similar thing? 

Thanks <3