Hi - Recently diagnosed and wanting to chat with others with ASD.

Hello

Sent you a friend request and a message.

I was diagnosed in 2004.

Rosy

Hi Millie!

Not sure if you are still active on here but I am 30, waiting for my diagnosis. Struggle with very similar issues to you so would love to chat.

Natalie

Hello again :) Hope you and Princess are well!

The lockdown is eating away at me because it’s destroyed any sense of routine. The loneliness thing however is a strange one with me - I am not a socialite but at the same time I wish I had a few more friends to talk to. Not having a pet means that on the odd occasions I am sociable I feel I am missing out on essential human contact.

With history, 19th and 20th century Britain is my main area of interest, notably the industrial revolution and related themes. I am also really interested in looking at social shifts within this period - essentially asking why the culture, values and norms of society change. I’m starting a project on that at the moment - looking at the shift in views towards capital punishment, I.e what drove the change from it being a form of public entertainment to them being done behind closed doors then abolished and why initially the punishment was about pain and suffering whereas now days society seeks ‘humane’ executions. The project isn’t about the morbid side of death, rather what drove the changes within society. I’m also doing some local history for the town I’ve moved to.

writing is always a good thing to DJ and I think you are right in not showing it to others until you are ready. What themes and topics do you write on?

Anthony

Hi Millie 

I was recently diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's) in March, at the age of 31.  I'm trying to process this all while trying to bring up a neurotypical daughter who's just about to turn 4.

I have other medical issues that I'm coping with too, it all makes this extremely difficult. 

Hope to hear from you soon 

Fawn  

Hi John ,again thank you for your story , Im 49 and was diagnosed last year myself and it didn't really  affect me at first  , But this year i had 3 group therapy sessions with the nhs and it made me very aware of my limitations of which i was never aware of before in my life, This had a profound crashing of my internal beliefs , But my c/p therapist  at the time directed me back to cbt and this time the talking therapy has been a lot better , I just hope to build on this second step because the first was way harder i realise now .

Hi NAS66811,

I hope you're well and enjoying the sunshine despite the lockdown.

For me the diagnosis also explains a lot, but that doesn't neccesarily make it easy to swallow. I guess, I want to be me, but I also want to 'fit in' and that seems to require being 'normal' or 'NT'. I just feel like my friends and family don't really know or understand me. How do you feel?

On the plus side, I have been able to identify my strengths, to recognise how much hardwork and determination it has taken to get me where I am and to be able to be true to myself and build a manageable and fulfilling life; it is early days though.

What sort of things interest you? I like cooking and baking, lego, writing, walking, spending time with my dog and exercise including squash and badminton.

How are you finding lockdown? I don't mind to much occupying my own time and the dog keeps me company, but I miss my routine and feel anxious regarding the unknowns and not being in control.

Anyway, time for a dog walk.

Take care, stay safe and keep in touch. It would be good to get to know you better!!!

Camilla 

Hi JohnS,

Thank you for your message, for sharing your story and for the reflections.  I hope you're well and managing in this strange period of lockdown.

I can relate to much of what you say and similarly, survived through university, whilst still feeling different. Since then though, I have made many changes in my life and each time my mental health spiralled and I struggled to cope with my ASC. 

I think you're right that I may need professional help to process what a diagnosis means and to think about what a managable, but also fulfilling life might look like.

Do you ever look at what others have, their achievements or experienecs and feel like you're missing out? I guess I feel like life could be more fun if I was more spontaneous and if I had less need for routine and to know outcomes. I guess I fear that diagnosis will become a time when I gave up trying and just survived not thrived.

What do you think would have been different for you if you had been diagnosed younger? Maybe its not to late to try some of them... feel the fear and do it anyway type thing?!

I think the priority for me is to rediscover my true identity, with the ASC puzzle piece included, find a fulfilling and manageable career and stay physically and mentally well. I would also like to make some new friends who know, understand and accept me as I am now, rather than the masked me of so many years; this is proving hard to do, partly because of lockdown (obviously), but also because of my age and my limited circles within mental health services and at work.

Take care, stay safe and keep in touch.

Camilla 

Hi PixieFox,

I hope you're well and have enjoyed Easter and the sunshine despite the lockdown.

Thank you for your helpful and encouraging message.

It seems like you are embracing ASC and making good use of a range of positive materials out there. I will take a look at those; thank you.

I think historically, without even knowing it, my special interests was how to function socially and 'vaguely fit in'... in many ways I achieved, but the stress and anxiety  of masking always led me to break down and I didn't know why. Now I realise I've been living a lie for a long time, but its hard to pick apart the lie from reality and to peel off the mask to try to find my actual identity. I'm not sure that makes sense?!

I don't think The Sims is childish and if its harmless and something you enjoy then it doesn't matter. Do you enjoy cooking and baking? I enjoy walking, Lego, writing and spending time with my English Bull Terrier.

I understand what you mean about doing what you want to do, but I also have to consider what the costs of pushing to hard in a NTs world and the impact it can have on my mental health. I guess I also find being different difficult, especially as in many ways its invisible.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings.

Take care,

Camilla

Hi Anthony,

I hope you're ok and got to enjoy Easter and the sunshine, despite the lockdown.

I can relate to the analytical approach, as although I'm not tecnical, I have been able to logically script and analyse relationships and this helps me greatly. Saying that though, I often feel unmet and misunderstood and even used by my friends who fail to see my challenges and how they could help. Maybe I am too intense, but I find inconsistent and sometimes very self focused communication frustrating and anxiety provoking.

I find social history and sociology interesting, but wouldn't class it a special interest. It sounds like you like to think a lot; this is something I can relate to and which is sometimes a gift, but also often a curse - do you sometimes wish you could not think so much and be more spontaneous and not pick interactions to pieces? Are there particular periods of history that interest you?

Like I said, I enjoy spending time with my English Bull Terrier, Princess. I also enjoy walking and sports including squash and badminton. I do some writing, but I don't let most my friends know, as they probably wouldn't see the point or would want me to share it and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

How are you coping with the lockdown? I don't find being at home too lonely, but do feel anxious about so many unknowns regarding length of measures etc and also practical issues like not being able to get delivery slots when I find supermarkets triggering at the best of times.

Take care and stay safe.

Camilla

Hi Millie

ive just been diagnosed too and in my forties. It really explains a lot . I would love to chat and get to know people on this forum too

Well where to start? I got diagnosed at the "ripe"old age of 54. I might have been diagnosed earlier had been for a Therapist saying that I didn't have Autism (he was one our work therapists, who I saw after returning to work from stress).

In fact that is the theme of my life, anxiety - which can evolve into stress depression. I couldn't work out why I got so up tight while everyone else seemed to breeze through life. My anxiety was getting worse as I got older ( not less as is normal ) and that led my GP to suggest there was a deep rooted mental angle to my anxiety.  As he said to me a lot of these "disorders" were unheard of in the 70' & 80's.

I was first diagnosed with Aspergers from a Psychiatrist and then went on to have a formal assessment with two Psychologists (last year May to September).

Like you, the diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC - they dont like referring it as a disorder anymore) was a relief. But in a way didn't really help, maybe because many people I know do not believe it. And that made me question the Soecialists just got it wrong and that I'm just one of lifes born worriers? 

But then you reflect on how tough life has been (it does get easier as you get older to cope, but clearly in my case with increased anxiety).

From my youth, I remember going to clubs and nightclubs and watching my friends chatting girls up and me thinking how do they do that? Any poor girl that smiled at me was greeted with a blank look. And of course I could never hear anyone and just gave up trying to talk to anyone. I only got close to girls, who I managed to get to know over a period of time. I would never try anything on, even when my friends said that certain girl were interested, because I never saw the "signs". I look back now and think you "idiot" why didn't you do something?.

I managed OK through University and was lucky enough to get a job locally. I hate to think how I would coped if I had to move and find housing for a job in a new place, I just don't think about it,

I've been in that same job for over 30 years and although its caused a lot of stress at times, it is very much the devil you, than the devil you dont - another running theme in my life. And as I got older, I realised I really wanted the routine of travel and familar work surroundings and was prepared to put up with the periods of stress the job generated.

Looking back, I just wished that in social situations I had been more switched on and able to cope with change. 

My social skills on a 1:1 are fairly OK now, but i still go away from meeting someone, analysing the encounter and wishing i had said something relevant/ interesting (thinking of things I should have said hours or days later) and maybe wishing I had not said some things.

Over the years I have devised coping mechanisms, alas in my case they are mostly avoidance mechanisms though, which can be quite negative. For example, I initially get quite excited when invited out by some friends but then I get more anxious nearer the time, looking at reviews of the pubs they want to go to, how to get there, train times or nearest car parks etc etc. In the end I overthink the whole thing that I usually make up an excuse not to go.

The one thing that has helped me is medication. I know it's not for everyone but, I found that certain medication dampened my mental and physical anxiety. It just greatly raises the threshold and frees my mind to work properly, especially in social situations.

A lot of people seem to rejoice in their Autism, but I would say that it has been very much a curse in my life.

If I had been NT, I might have experienced more relationships, tried working for different companies, travelled more, changed careers, lived considerably less anxious life and less inclined to rigidity follow the rules.

But as they "Hay Ho" you are still young enough to seek professional help if you feel you need it, to help re-program your mind. But at the being diagnosed is the first step on the path to a better life ??

Hi Millie

I masked until my early 50s, but I didn't have a clue it was Aspergers. It was only through watching a documentary which featured an Autistic woman who did presentations about Autism that it dawned on me. The best resource about the female Aspie profile I found was this:

taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/.../

I don't have any learning difficulties, in fact I learn quickly when I am interested and focussed and in a suitable environment. School was not a suitable environment. I learn better at home and have achieved more with home study and distance learning.

Of course there are things that your NT family members and friends won't "get" about you. There are things about them that you won't understand. But everyone is different - and no two Aspies are the same! It's easier if you can enjoy the difference and value it. NT people have weaknesses too, but we can sometimes get obsessed about the things they can do that we usually find difficult, like multi tasking, filtering out strong sensory stimuli, making small talk and knowing the right thing to say in certain situations. But we have our own strengths, which are varied and include: the ability to hyper focus, problem solving, attention to detail (seeing things others miss), determination and integrity. We are also often creative, and can relate well to animals. Here is a fuller list of the positives of autism:

autismawarenesscentre.com/.../

 Reading the experiences of other adult Aspies on this forum should help you feel less "different". The "alien on the wrong planet" idea is common, but why is it us who are the "aliens"? Why not the NTs? My biggest problem on realising I was an Aspie was that to me, my thought processes and behaviours were normal. I had no idea what society's "normal" was. So it became my new special interest - finding out the differences between AS and NT people. I ended up feeling better about myself and understanding others better, and it's certainly helped my work relationships. We are not an anomaly - we are part of the natural order and some of us are here to help advance humankind. The famous American Autistic woman Temple Grandin said that if there were no autistic people, the human race would still be standing around in caves chatting. It's highly unlikely we'd be chatting on the internet.

I don't like the term ASD  because I don't see myself as disordered. I have had many special interests including animals, music, social sciences, food & nutrition, politics, teaching & learning and reading fiction, particularly fantasy & sci-fi. I also enjoy comedy and sci-fi/fantasy movies and tv series and playing video games (my secret favourite is The Sims - way too "childish" for most women my age, but who cares? I don't). I have found the best way to progress through life is to ask yourself "what do I really want to do?" And then work out how to do it, ignoring what anyone else thinks. It's your life, play it how you want.

Hi, sorry for the slow reply - the notifications aren’t working

For me the analytical approach to everything I do is something I really like because I don’t take things at face value or accept that things happen “just because” but overall I don’t cope too well... I am a social disaster, and really struggle to make and/or keep friendships which in turn impacts wellbeing. Overall how do you feel you cope?

My interests are aviation and history mostly. I’m also interested in abstract approaches to life - I.e things which go against the “norm”. I also love picking apart issues which divide society and understanding why people hold the views they do. In short I’m a bit of a bore. What interests you?

Anthony

You're welcome, we're going through the same thing so you've come to the right place . 

I'm in similar dilemmas as yourself, on Amazon prime there's a program called 'autism: a curious case of the human mind'..it aims to help families understand their family members who have autism.

As you said the questions are 'quite deep' it may take some time to discuss them so may be better to in private chat, as things might be too personal to share with the world. 

Message me if you want more info

Hi,

Thanks for your message and being willing to encourage and support me.

I guess I've spent so long masking and now feel I cant any longer, but this means my life seems alien (if easier and less exhausting) than before.

I guess there are lost of things I feel I need to explore; these included:

What type of employment might be satisfying and sustainable for me?

How do I gain meaningful and fulfilling relationships?

How do I help my family and friends understand me better?

How do I ascertain/explore my gender identity and sexuality? How do I explain to my family and friends that I tried so hard to be 'normal' that I lived a lie hoping it would become the truth?

Sorry; that's lost of questions and quite deep, but I wonder if others have similar feelings and have found ways to work through them and to find a way of living that works for them.

Have a good weekend and enjoy the sunshine (from home of course).

Thanks. Take care.

: 0 ) 

Hi,

I hope you're well.

Any top tips on coming to accept a diagnosis and the limitations of autism? 

What about good ways of continuing to have aspirations and being able to explain to others that my aspirations might be different, but no less worthy...

Sometimes I just feel like an alien on the wrong planet!!! Does that make sense?

Have a good weekend and enjoy the sunshine (from home of course).

Take care.

: 0 )

Hi Anthony,

Thanks for your lovely message. I hope your days been ok.

I definitely don't think I'll let Princess near the keyboard - she's an English Bull Terrier, so not petit and delicate!!!

How do you find living with autism? I feel that in some ways it gives me a logic and attention to detail that others cant obtain, but at the same time I get so frustrated by the anxiety and inability to understand and cope with complicated social relationships and to be able to hold down a full time job.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time and dare I say it, but do you have a special interest?

Take care and enjoy the sunshine (from home of course).

: 0 )

Could you give us more info to be able to focus on it a bit more in depth?

Welcome!x

Always happy to chat, feel free to send me a message... or even have Princess send the message if her paws are allowed near the keyboard :-p