Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey
I went for assessment not long ago and I'm waiting for them to say results.
It was really scary and I don't know if I did the tests right or if I said enough info to the questions coz I was super nervous.
What if I'm not autistic? What do I do then? I'm so scared and hate waiting for results because I'm so anxious now.
If they say yes my whole life then makes sense and I can accept myself.
But if they say no then I'm just the weirdo who doesnt know how to be human like normal people
Anyone else here thought they are autistic but then been told no?
Hey :)
I think it's important to know that the official assessment is an indication on how far your behaviours affect your life and fit the signs of 'typical' autism. If you get told that it's 'not bad enough' (or along those lines), that doesn't necessarily mean that you're not autistic at all, nor does it mean that your experiences are invalidated. It simply means that whatever you have doesn't fit their criteria to provide support. If it comes back negative but you believe you have some form of autism, then you can consider yourself autistic if you like. Remember, as big a deal as a diagnosis is, it doesn't fundamentally change you - you are still the same awesome person that you were before you received the resultsx
Much love <3
Your whole life can also make sense if you accept or slightly modify your own assessment; either regardless of or in accordance with their assessment. My own head keeps making me doubt, almost daily, the diagnosis I was given. And yet I am still here. I will probably always be left with a feeling of some divergence from the others, and I suppose ASD and/or neurodiversity are actually as good labels as are currently available. Asperger and Kanner, and others, labelled that perception by ourselves and others as autism. You might say it is a somewhat arbitrary label, but both they and you have to initially call it something, I suppose. So you can self-identify, regardless of how your assessor feels on any given day; especially if you and others find that to be a constructive way to proceed. But definitely listen to their reasoning, either way, because there is also no harm in partially reassessing yourself. It is quite likely, though, that a personal reassessment won't actually make that much difference to your overall perception. That's because you have probably lived with this thing for quite a few years already, and so are bound to know quite a bit about your own behaviour; perhaps more so than the so-called experts. There is said to be no cure, but there is certainly the possibility of calm and enjoyable acceptance. And you can self-identify yourself any way you find helpful. It's also up-to-you to decide whether you are going to share either their and/or your assessment with significant others. If you do self-identify, the last thing you probably need is a complete outsider's critique of the identity you choose. That's my experience, anyway!
There seem to be many people on this site who are quite prepared to self-identify, if they find their assessor's opinion doesn't quite add up in their own personal terms. Good for them! Many also choose not to widely share their knowledge F2F, and keep a high degree of anonymity online.
;-)