Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
My partner has autism we have been living together for 2 years but we have been having a few relationship problems in terms of meltdowns and mood swings. My partner doesn't communicate with me problems he is having and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any strategies to deal with this.
First of all your partner isn't having "mood swings" and "meltdowns" the most appropriate term is "Autistic Breakdown" the least you can do is give your partner space when they are having one; especially if you don't know what you are doing or if you fear your actions might make the breakdown worse.
Allow the breakdown to subside; let your partner recover from it and; the most appropriate thing you can do is ask them what triggers the breakdowns; listen to them and then act accordingly; help prevent these breakdowns in the first place because it's not good for them, you, or your relationship; and be as loving and as understanding as you possibly can in the event of the breakdown.
If the partner see's you or the relationship itself as the cause of these breakdowns; (I am speaking from experience) then re-evaluate your relationship with them; re-evaluate how you treat them when they are not having a breakdown; re-evaluate your interactions with them.
I am appalled you actually called them "mood swings" and "meltdowns" you are talking about a special needs person; not someone who is mentally ill. I'd also re-evaluate why you got with someone on the Autism Spectrum in the first place. If your partner isn't communicating with you; there's a good reason for it other than the fact the are on the Autism Spectrum.
NAS35030 said:I am appalled you actually called them "mood swings" and "meltdowns" you are talking about a special needs person; not someone who is mentally ill. I'd also re-evaluate why you got with someone on the Autism Spectrum in the first place. If your partner isn't communicating with you; there's a good reason for it other than the fact the are on the Autism Spectrum.
Also this is not super helpful... autism is classified as a 'disability' and I for one am offended that you use the term 'special needs' and that you blithely say it's not 'mental illness'.
Autism frequently comes with a hatful of co-morbid conditions any of which may mean the person requires support and/or is suffering from a mental health issue.
If their partner isn't communicating you can't say why - maybe it's alexythimia co-morbid with autism so they can't recognise their own emotions to be able to discuss them, maybe it's selective/elective mutism - the subject is too painful for them to discuss without triggering a shutdown, maybe they fear being judged or that their partner will 're-evaluate why they got with someone with autism in the first place'...
And it's not 'someone with autism' - autism is as much a part of a person as left-handedness or dislike of coriander, you can't take the autism away... and don't try any of the 'person first' language BS with me, it's a denial that autism is an inescapable part of who a person is and acts as a 'qualifier' making them not just a 'person' but a 'person with...'