Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone!
Firstly may I apologize beforehand - I am not sure if everything I'm writing here is in the right place (I would research more but please understand my stress levels and depression are effecting me quite a lot). Also - I do not have an official diagnosis just yet - but there appears to be a lot of supporting evidence that I might be autistic - however if I am not, my sincerest apologies for wasting your time.
I am a british born chinese 19 year old computer science student who has not yet been formally diagnosed - but am waiting on the nhs. The reason I believe I may have autism are threefold: Firstly - mental health professionals all seem to spot traits that indicate autism, Secondly - My one best friend who is autistic also said that he thought I was autistic and finally, through my own research - although there were traits that did not exactly match up I also found a lot of relatable content and traits: stimming, meltdowns, specific interests etc.
I have been struggling with depression for an extremely long time now. I've been bullied up until I started university, but even now - I find it so hard to make and maintain friendships and enjoy life. I really need help and support but I don't know how to get it. I've already asked for an assessment, but that could take ages before it happens. I am honestly in a very bad place atm (mentally) having had two suicide attempts and agonizing chronic pain. I've recently had some traumatic incidences which lead to me losing a lot of things (friends, accommodation, possessions etc.) Please could someone reach out to me and tell me what to do. Also, please don't worry about me - I have promised myself and my family that I will not do anything stupid. Recently I've felt slightly betrayed by my friends who kicked me out of the house I was living at and also told me we were never close friends in the first place and tried to continue to bill me for rent despite me already having paid extra for the month which he kicked me out. Although this is only my side of the story as I cannot see why he could have done these things from his perspective as I am not him. There are also deeper secrets and traumas that haunt me which I cannot share just yet - I am in a lot of pain atm and am not sure where or who to turn to.
Apologies for the negativity in this post - however I guess I could do a bit more introduction about my hobbies and such. I am an avid fan of the video game: starcraft II, I've appeared multiple times on youtube when someone has casted (commentated) my game. I will include a link to some below - feel free to check them out (and maybe suggest to the youtuber to showcase some more games of mine (wint wink) just kidding...) although I know most of you perhaps won't be interested. I also used to be a massive fan of reading and writing - unfortunately recently, due to my intense stress levels I have not been able to do any of these hobbies recently and I cannot play video games either due to not having any of my personal devices of which I can play upon. I also like the video game osu and beats saber - although I am unable to play these games too because I do not have my personal devices or an oculus rift (vr headset).
Anyways - that mostly covers me for now - I've probs missed a lot due to my depression etc. maybe there is a way for me to add on edits after if I remember? I'm not sure. Anyways thank you for listening. I really hope to meet some new friends and attain some support or advice. Thanks again. Signed yjzhou (also - are these posts all anonymous? (I know I signed it but apart from that I mean))
P.S here are some of the links for my sc2 games:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9xgH-MZ850&t=832s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdwpwCX1EQg&t=265s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LL8_zVyZQjA
hi
feel free to talk to me ( i have personal experience of suicidal thoughts) or anyone on here in a informal more casual way. There's a lot of experience on here when you add it all up.
but try Samartians and Mind above for more professional help if u feel things are getting serious. I admire these guys,,,,, truly awesome bunch.
This forum is public in that anyone can read them without a login, so don't use anything that can identify u if u want to remain anon.
What should you do >>>>>>
like i say come in here, and let it all out, or ask questions or help others just like you.
1. update and fill out your profile ( NAS65096 to "yjzhou" ) as much as possible --- makes u more interesting
2. Start you own thread, on what you want to talk about, and watch the response.
I watched your videos and you're pretty good ( I wouldnt actually know :) )
hopefully we will all get the chance to speak to the awesome yjzhou !
Yes try samaritans their generally good but I had one awful person recently so I hung up. But if that happens just call back to try get someone else. Anyway, hello from me too
I concur, Samaritans is very much the luck of the draw. A long, long time ago, when I felt myself to be in a hopeless situation really, really trapped on the dole and estranged from my judgemental far-right leaning mother, unable to find a day job and being harassed and hassled by the whole Restart apparatus, I just ended up having a slanging match with one old codger of the old school on Samaritans, then again with some smug 'counsellor' who started getting confrontational For My Own Good in no time at all. Thanks, but no thanks. But there are good people too who really will listen and there is a listener 24/7. It is always worth trying again.
Are you too old for Childline? I think it is recognised that you can't just pull the rug away from a vulnerable person the minute they hit 18.
No way you can get out of the UK? There are few Utopias anyway, but I don't think things will be getting better in the UK any time soon. Of course, leaving your home country can be an extremely tough path to take too if there is no support and I'm not sure how portable IT skills are.
Hi! Thanks for the suggestions, I've used Samaritans a few times, honestly though - I found that they didn't really help me much. One of them didn't know what to do or say so it didn't really help me much :( , not their fault though - It must be really tiring and hard for them