Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 15 replies
  • Subscribers 90 subscribers
  • Views 3841 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

"Up Top" Again

Trogluddite
over 4 years ago

Hello everyone,

It's been quite a while now since I posted here (or on any autism forum). As is my usual MO, online or IRL, I snuck away to my cave as quietly as possible (I always prefer to think that no-one will notice me slipping away - I find goodbyes even harder to deal with than introductions!) But I've found myself over the last few weeks indulging in a little lurking, and much to my surprise, even finding that I might like to have a voice in the world again. It's heartening to see both familiar and new members supporting each other so kindly, as they always have here. So, as we (ex-)cavers like to say, I thought I'd return "up top" again, if only to say "Hello".

So, erm; Hello! Grinning

Why did I disappear? Well, that old catch-22 of being autistic, I suppose. The times when one is struggling to interact with the world, and maybe could most do with a little comfort and support, are so often the times when the interaction required seems most unattainable. Not that things have really been so terrible, with the possible exception of having DWP shennanigans to deal with yet again. Ennui would probably describe it more accurately - the days have all been so similar and humdrum that I have no sense whatever of how long I've been like that. I would ask for help with this more often, if only there was someone to help me to do the asking!

Much as I'm thankful for the support and education that I've received over the years in places like this, when I start to feel that the problems of dealing with the world outside my head are perennial and insurmountable, intense discussions about autism can lead me into vicious cycles of procrastination and rumination which I just have to give myself a break from - though, of course, this is a totally unintended side-effect, not a criticism of the forums or any of you lovely people. I get so that I can parrot my little scripts for getting through the essentials of survival - but really, that's no more than a robot playing back a bunch of recordings. On an interpersonal level, I lose my voice, so to (not) speak (ouch - I do apologise for the awful, though unintentional, mixed metaphors and puns there! - if only I could learn to use words to communicate thoughts and feelings better rather than as toys for my mind to play distracting games with! Laughing)

Whether I'll have much to say, or will stick around very long this time, I wouldn't like to even attempt to predict - but for now, it feels nice to be back and to have broken the ice!

Best wishes, everybody.

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hello. I just joined today having been diagnosed yesterday so this is my first proper reply.

    I have joined and then quietly withdrawn from lots of forums over the years. Sometimes because I can't deal with conflict (and have inadvertently offended someone) but often because it just seems too hard to keep conversing.

    I don't work and have a chronic illness so I also recognise the feeling of ennui. It takes every effort to get through the minimum requirements of life. I'm very lucky to have a daughter who forces me to keep going and provides me with a best friend (along with my husband).

    I hope you enjoy being back. Also, I think your communication skills are excellent! I enjoy a mixed metaphor. Grin

  • over 4 years ago in reply to Fraiselongue

    I also love mixed metaphors Slight smile

Reply Children
No Data