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34, diagnosed yesterday, hello!

Fraiselongue

Hello,

I'm generally nervous about posting on forums and replying so I thought I'd throw myself in.

13 years ago, whilst having an awful time studying to become a teacher on a PGCE course, I read about ASD and realised that I had it. I took lots of online tests and was shocked to score so highly but never felt able to join in with the autistic community as I wasn't diagnosed and was too scared to seek a diagnosis.

Recently, we have been in a better position financially so my husband agreed we could invest in a private assessment (waiting lists are 2 years here). I was incredibly nervous beforehand but the two psychologists were lovely. The assessment was yesterday. It was exhausting so I've been in bed all day today, but finally having a diagnosis feels very good.

I have told a few people but I'm feeling anxious about sharing my diagnosis with some people as I fear a negative reaction. Either "don't be ridiculous" or "that's why you're such a ****". I'd be really interested to hear how people have shared their diagnosis and what the reactions were.

The worst I have had so far was "It's a good job you weren't diagnosed as a child as you would have been written off as disabled". My twitter friends on the other hand have either said "I hope they can help you now" (as in, you have a problem that must be fixed") or "Congratulations, now you can be you".

Thanks for reading 

Parents

  • Hi Amy.

    I would second 's advice to allow yourself some time to let the diagnosis sink in before telling too many people, unless you're put into a situation where mentioning your autism is the last resort for explaining a specific problem. It's not unusual for people receiving a late-diagnosis to go through cycles of feeling very differently about their diagnosis - everything from despondency at life's missed opportunities, through to elation at finally comprehending some of life's mysteries. This is perfectly normal, and many people here have been through it themselves and will be ready to help you along the way.

    I have long given up on trying to predict which people will react in which ways to disclosure of my diagnosis - there have been deep disappointments from people who I believed would be glad that I could move forward, and likewise, totally unexpected kindness from people I have dreaded having to tell (or even from complete strangers.) I have found that, for the most part, it's better to highlight how specific traits affect specific problems - e.g. I'm nipping outside for a breather because "I'm the kind of person that" finds loud noise oppressive. I've been pleasantly surprised at how effective this tactic can be.

    If you bring up autism, you have to be prepared to handle people's misconceptions, or even just their polite curiosity - which often can't be satisfied by the trite sound-bite that the other person is usually expecting. And, of course, to be able to deal with those kind of questions, you need to be comfortable with your own, private understanding of autism and how it affects you (I guarantee you will discover a multitude of ways it's affected you that would never have crossed your mind pre-diagnosis - forum members talk often of having "aha" moments while they're here!)

    On a more positive note, I have found that even people who react negatively at first often do come around to a more sympathetic approach if I take the "softly, softly" one trait at a time approach - i.e. tackling the misconceptions about autism a little at a time so that they gradually see a clearer picture. This works much better, I find, than just naming a diagnosis for which they'll envision all sorts of stereotypes, or overwhelming them with an "info dump". The stubborn few who don't respond to this, I've quietly withdrawn from, or at least avoid the subject when I'm around them - there's nothing to be gained other than exhaustion if you try to argue with a brick wall!

    Best wishes.

  • in reply to Trogluddite

    Thank you so much for the reply. I suspect I shall have to get tough skin if I want to share with some people so it might be easier not to. Funnily enough, my 8yo daughter said "best not to tell X as she's always mean about people who are different". X being a member of my close family. 

  • in reply to Fraiselongue

    Maybe that's what I need - a perceptive 8-year old companion to bolster my social awareness! Laughing

    I don't have any kids of my own, but I've always loved their unfiltered honesty. Quite a few of my friends' children have quite openly and without any prejudice started talking to me about why I do things a bit strangely sometimes. I often find it very amusing to watch their parents get really flustered when their child is merely curious about something which the parents have studiously avoided mentioning for years - payback by proxy for all those funny looks I've gotten over the years which no-one would explain the reason for!

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  • in reply to Fraiselongue

    Maybe that's what I need - a perceptive 8-year old companion to bolster my social awareness! Laughing

    I don't have any kids of my own, but I've always loved their unfiltered honesty. Quite a few of my friends' children have quite openly and without any prejudice started talking to me about why I do things a bit strangely sometimes. I often find it very amusing to watch their parents get really flustered when their child is merely curious about something which the parents have studiously avoided mentioning for years - payback by proxy for all those funny looks I've gotten over the years which no-one would explain the reason for!

Children
  • in reply to Trogluddite

    Grin It's funny because when I was a kid I didn't understand children, yet now they're so much easier to talk to! I'm very lucky to have my daughter. Having her with me gives me confidence to do so many things that I can't manage on my own, e.g. go to the cinema, go shopping. It really helps having someone else to focus on.

    The unspoken awkwardness is definitely worse than just politely asking!