Published on 12, July, 2020
You don't say whether your autistic or not too. I am and a lack of control, as well as a change of routine (even if it's not my routine) are two things I struggle with, therefore, I understand your frustrations. As someone who'd love to control everything, I've learnt that you can't. How would you feel if dad said I want to parent like xyz, so this is how you have to behave with the children when I'm not there? If I was you, I believe it'd be healthier all-round to focus on teaching your children that different environments have different expectations and rules. As such, the way they're expected to behave at mums, compared to dads is different but this is normal and is ok. My husband's parents separate when he was very small and he felt he could do no right as a child as mum and dad made him feel awful if he got each other rules mixed up, especially as his mum then took her anger out at her ex partner on him. Therefore, staying calm seems crucial to the children's overall well-being.
I became a mum on Wednesday and although it hasn't been a week for us yet it's clear me and daddy have very different parenting styles. I'm more free spirited, whereas dad likes structure and rules. Although I'm sure they'll be clashes between all three of us, none of us can have complete control over other people, so I see our disagreements as positive opportunities as it will facilitate conversations around human behaviour and give and take that will help my little one to develop her people skills.