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Co parenting HELP!!!

NAS63728
  1. , hi everyone just need some help I guess I'm at my boiling point!!  I'm not longer my child's birth father we have been separated for almost 3 years now and I have moved on but I'm finding it difficult to co parent with the birth he is only having the children twice a week and one of the children has been diagnosed with autism but I'm finding that he isn't disciplining or co-parenting the same way as myself even though I have asked him to do the same things so my daughter doesn't become upset with not having a routine/scheldue/rules in both households can any of you suggest what I can do I have spoken to him many times about doing the same as myself at home but he's refusing to listen and basically States he only wants to be a fun parent not have anything to do with any discipline or any form of activities that my daughter and other child likes it basically is all on his terms rather than what he should be contributing as a parent.
  2. Im trying to be civil towards him but the added stress of him not  listening to my views or trying to to co-parent with me I'm not sure what to do.
  3. I guess what annoys me the most is I'm trying my very best to give my children the best what they need and I'm just not getting the same in return from him as a parent which I would have thought with common sense is what he would want to do. and then he goes and complains when they kids are being naughty and don't have the same discipline that they do at home
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    You don't say whether your autistic or not too. I am and a lack of control, as well as a change of routine (even if it's not my routine) are two things I struggle with, therefore, I understand your frustrations. As someone who'd love to control everything, I've learnt that you can't. How would you feel if dad said I want to parent like xyz, so this is how you have to behave with the children when I'm not there? If I was you, I believe it'd be healthier all-round to focus on teaching your children that different environments have different expectations and rules. As such, the way they're expected to behave at mums, compared to dads is different but this is normal and is ok. My husband's parents separate when he was very small and he felt he could do no right as a child as mum and dad made him feel awful if he got each other rules mixed up, especially as his mum then took her anger out at her ex partner on him. Therefore, staying calm seems crucial to the children's overall well-being. 

    I became a mum on Wednesday and although it hasn't been a week for us yet it's clear me and daddy have very different parenting styles. I'm more free spirited, whereas dad likes structure and rules. Although I'm sure they'll be clashes between all three of us, none of us can have complete control over other people, so I see our disagreements as positive opportunities as it will facilitate conversations around human behaviour and give and take that will help my little one to develop her people skills.