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Hi

sylv

Hello there - I am in the long long process of having an assessment for Aspergers - two of my sisters - one 71 and 51 and my nephew 24 and niece 46 were diagnosed last  year privately - but as I am the poor one I started on the journey with the NHS in November 2011 and still waiting = it seems that the Dr who can assess is now on a course for a new assessment process which will make assessing easier !! - I have read a great deal on the subject and have looked at myself critically and know in my heart that I do have Aspergers.  I would like to talk to people who have this and maybe get to know others who are like minded as I am - I do not know about you but I find neurotypical people boring and shallow - that may be just me lol - and I have become boring to try to fit in and do not like it - I would love to communicate with a like minded male or two to get their jist of how they relate to the opposite sex - as I have never had a successful relationship for five minutes - and it hurts -

 

hope someone gets back to me Sylv

  • Hi there Sylv

    I'm in the middle of a diagnosis process, my wife was diagnosed nearly three years ago, we are both high-functioning (if I get my diagnosis that is). We've been together for nearly 10 years but before that my longest relationships were about five months and four months respectively. I'm 45 now but I was the baby of the family so my eldest brother is 52. I guess you're somewhere between your sisters ages. Until I met my wife I too found NTs utterly boring but I needed some sociability so I got the reputation as the good listener and I would always deflect conversations away from me back to whomever  I was talking. I found new social situations often completely traumatic so I was happy living in my small village of about 300 people.

    What is it you find difficult with the opposite sex? For me, often it was simply the physical side. I was very ambivalent about being touched for a long time. If your problem is more having a female companion, it seems to me, it is much easier to join in something where you are more likely to find someone who will interest you and be interested in you as well. You must be yourself at all costs though. It can create bigger probs down the line if you try and act a part that eventually you won't be able to keep up.

    My wife often says that as long as a guy is kind, reliable, courteous, generous (not ina money way really but stinginess is obviously not a good quality!), helpful, and trustworthy then the chances of finding a female companion are much better. 

    I'm guessing there are also places where perhaps you won't feel comfortable, whether it's noise, too many people etc. but I suppose the initial approach is the most difficult when trying to speak to anyone. Male or female. I would say if you can get a friend to laugh, be humourous, then they are more likely to stick around and stay interested. So at first you will have to try and hide the hurt you feel but be at your best...I find many Aspies have a really interesting take on the world, a funny take, work on that side of yourself maybe more than other sides.

    I've probably gone on a bit too much but I spent a lot of lonely years when all I wanted was a one-on-one intense friendship with a woman. Despite all the sex-talk that goes on nowadays, it is friendship/companionship that keep people together. 

    Let me know your thoughts. I feel for you from your post. I've been there.

    Best

    Phil